Ending on a Clea[n] Note

Day 365--The Last Day of 2010!

It's an odd joy. Especially for the last day of the year.

But considering what the last 16 days have been...

...poor health

...long-distance apartment hunting

...packing

...running around all over the place

...claustrophobia in my own home

...things to do, things to do, things to do.

It is so relieving to have everything packed, in piles ready for loading, and the floors vacuumed.

Miss

Day 364

It was a difficult dinner, because I had to say good-bye to friends I have made and loved over the last 3 years. But it was also a very uplifting and flattering night (though this is going to sound as if I'm bragging about myself). I was told that more people RSVPed to my farewell dinner (and donated money for a farewell fund/party) than anyone else has had before. And when I look at the 18 people who were there and know of at least 6 more people who couldn't make it because of being sick or on vacation, it leaves a tender mark in my heart.

Because I really was loved at my job--for what I did, and for who I am.

Nice to See You

Day 363

Well, I may have felt horrible. And trying to figure out if this is a cold or the flu. So, the last thing I wanted to do was see people.

But I'm still grateful I was able to see some friends whom I was worried I wouldn't get to see before I moved.

Before the First is Over

Day 362

Well, if this is a second cold coming on, I'm grateful for tissues, hand sanitizer, food, and my afghan to snuggle up with.

Rubber Ducky

Day 361

An unanticipated day off which aided in having more time for packing while still having moments of fun and relaxation (aka "watching movies") was quite a happy thing.

But there was something that trumped that. I was given some bath things for Christmas. You know--bubbles, salts, caviar (huh?), etc. Things I never have at my disposal. Indeed, I even had to look them up just to know the difference between them all. But this was a perfect present, especially as I'd been wanting to take a bath. All of this stress, sickness, packing, move prepping, etc.....I just needed something relaxing and de-stressing. Baths help. Period dramas with the baths are great.

However, adding in some of my Christmas present? Oh my whoa. It was so different. I can't describe it.

But I am loving that I still feel calm, relaxed, and just...fabulous!

P.S. And I will admit that I am a little embarrassed that I so "publicly" talked about taking a bath, but it was the joy for today!

Joy & Gratitude

Day 360

It has been a very, very snowy day.

I've been loving it! Lots of snow, and barely anyone going out to mar it by driving or anything. The back lot behind the apartments is off limits to anyone, so it is still completely untouched.

And absolutely, gorgeously breath-taking!

I love it. I love new-fallen snow. Lots of it.

The world covered in white always makes me think of the Savior.

Which right now reminds me of my birthday gift (aka promise) to Him. I've been thinking throughout the day on what mine should be for this upcoming year. But it also put me in mind of what it has been this past year--writing down a joy/gratitude every day. I think my original intention was that I believed doing so would help me in recounting the Lord's tender mercies, cultivating a more positive attitude, and not just being more grateful but also acknowledging my gratitude and for what I the gratitude was for.

I was not wrong, and because of that I know even more that this promise was inspired by the Lord. This was one of the most uplifting, best kept, and most obviously rewarding promise I have yet given my Savior. Months ago I thought about continuing on. I've tried this recording in my gratitude journal, and was successful in spurts at various times. But something about putting it here--where any one could read it and thus making me more accountable in completing the task. It has made so many differences in my life.

And the promise overall has been one immense Joy and Gratitude for the entire year.

Believe

Day 359

It is Christmas!!!!! I love this day--whether I am with others or, like this year again, I am not. Because while family and friends add to the celebrations, joys, and traditions, it is not what makes Christmas.

Christmas is my Savior. Christmas is my wonderful Heavenly Father giving His Son to and for each of us. Christmas is the Atonement which saves me and allows me the chance to return to my home in heaven. It is not where I am or who I am with.

Christmas is believing in my Savior, and what I do to remember Him and keep His commandments.

A scripture I love which happened to be part of this week's scripture study:

"Believe in God; believe that he is, and that he created all things, both in heaven and in earth; believe that he has all wisdom, and all power, both in heaven and in earth; believe that man doth not comprehend all the things which the Lord can comprehend.

"And again, believe that ye must repent of your sins and forsake them, and humble yourselves before God; and ask in sincerity of heart that he would forgive you; and now, if you believe all these things see that ye do them."

-Mosiah 4:9

Books and Books and More Books

Day 358

I had to use up my account at the used book store today. I had ~$100 left. And with books at half price of what was listed, that added up for a lot of books. I was able to get books for other people, as well as a few that I've been wanting to get for a while. I also got a few DVDs to add to my collection.

Plus it was all easily packed in with all the other books and DVDs that I own (which I packed this afternoon).

I love books, especially having ones that I want to read over and over again.

What fun

Day 357

I'm not typically a shopper. Not at all. But today's excursion to the outlets with 7 other females (ranging in age from child to grandmother) was actually rather fun. And though I didn't expect to get anything, I ended up finding a sale on something I needed, the rest of the Christmas shopping that I had hoped to do, and a "Christmas dress" as my other fun Christmas present. And the talking with other girls and just simple hanging out which I don't often get to do...it was all quite enjoyable.

So, I'm not necessarily grateful for shopping (especially at this time of year!!!), but I am grateful for a lot more fun than I had expected.

When the family gets together...for the holidays!

Day 356

Yay--I'm with family! So nice to see family near Christmas. Especially family I don't always get to see.

I love my family!

Give, give, give

Day 355

I am grateful for getting presents ready to give to others. I've been doing so for the last few days. But today I was thinking how fun it is to think about others and what might be meaningful to them.

I like the joy that truly does come in giving with your heart.

The Right Way

Day 354

For a rescheduled program, we had an amazing turnout! My throat was not happy after I had to belt out a bunch of Christmas carols with the kids, but we all had fun and that's what matters.

My last program.

A very sad thing.

But all is as it should be.

Even with all of the "mourning" that I am doing for my job, my friends, and my beloved east coast, I am grateful to know that this is the direction I am to go in--and that much of it was my own choice.

More music

Day 353

I got to participate in a Christmas Sacrament program today. That really couldn't be expected of the singles' branch. So, it was nice that a family ward (with good friends which I'm having a hard time saying good-bye to) invited me to join the choir today. I was a bit nervous, considering never able to practice with them and then sounding terrible from my cold. But it all came out well. And the music given was very lovely and a great message.

Music and Christmas--they go hand in hand for me, and I will never tire of the opportunities that come to me with that.

Missing

Day 352

My last Saturday to work. Well, no. Certainly not my last Saturday to work. In fact, I'll be working more at my next job. But it's my last one for this job. I feel the official "countdown" beginning.

There is a great sorrow for me in this. I have made many wonderful friends among co-workers and patrons at this job. I have gained so much experience. I have established myself within the system. Everyone knows me and I know (almost) everyone else. It will be 2 weeks shy of my 3-year mark. The longest job I have ever held straight through (outside of newspapers). I will miss so much about this job, and the people I serve and serve with.

This new opportunity at "a new life" holds excitement if anything for the fact at how positive it all is and how the Lord's hand has been in and a part of it. And the excitement is building as the countdown gets smaller. And as the health gets better. And as the So Many Things to Do start getting done. The smiles are more. The nervous wondering and hopes increase. The ideas and dreams of what the near and far future hold for me. The joy of something new. The ability for me to make the change instead of the change happening to me. The fulfillment of many spoken and unspoken prayers.

I just don't want anyone to get anything wrong.

Yes. I am excited and grateful for this new job.

Yes. I am excited and grateful for new opportunities.

Yes. I am excited and grateful for this new place to live.

But, no. I am not happy to leave my current job. There will be tears. There will be times of missing and longing for it. Because I have come to love so much about it and a part of me does not want to leave.

Yet personal circumstances require me to move on. It will not be easy. Indeed, it will be rather painful. But it is necessary.

But I am grateful that the Lord blessed me so much for the last 3 years to have the job, co-workers, patrons, and experiences that I have had.

Moving News

Day 351

OK. I am officially announcing my big news (now that I've included it in my Christmas Letter email to everyone):

I have accepted a job offer to be a Children's Librarian....

...in Utah!

I have felt the Lord along this entire journey and I am grateful and feel very blessed.

Oh, all right.

Day 350

So, I may not have agreed about closing the library early on Monday.

Today? Not a problem.

After all, no huge months-long planned program to worry about in its cancellation.

Plus--even on a regular day a bunch of snow coming down and sticking makes a person just want to curl up at home.

Sleep.

Read.

Watch Christmas movies.

Eat yumminess.

But add to that being sick, and the whole desire just triples.

I am very grateful we got to go home early and that I could have recovery time, uplifting moments, and productive tasks throughout.

Someone Else

Day 349

There were many long, uncomfortable, and partially deaf hours.

Sometimes I just have to remember that I can't try to do it all on my own, but that relying on the Lord also means to reach out and allow others to be His hand in helping me.

My greatest gratitude today are for doctors who have knowledge, are helpful, and can prescribe effective medication and doses to help my misery go away.

And we'll have fun, fun, fun

Day 348

I was introduced to a very fun family place this evening. These people know families--of all ages. Food wasn't bad. Eating rooms were fun (if loud). The games were many, varied, and fun. It was fun to see children playing there, but I wouldn't mind going again with people of my age.

And perhaps I'll also add that I did very well on the basketball shooting game, too. If only the hoop was really that close.

I love fun times!

I'm Dreaming

Day 347

I woke up and thought I heard rain outside as I read my scriptures. Well, so much for the snow we were supposed to get the day before. Oh well. I've gotten used to not really getting snow--even though this is the time of year I love it most. Yeah. Not during official winter. Just around Christmas. It has to be a growing-up-in-the-mountains thing, with a little bit of Oh-the-nostalgia-I-think-I'm-going-to-cry whenever I hear "I'm dreaming of a white Christmas."

So imagine my happy surprise to walk out of my room and see out of my roommate's window:

Trees covered in snow!!

Things felt so festive and happy with the snow falling down.

I'm not in whole agreement about them closing my library early. I mean, come on--it was one inch on the grass and nothing on the streets! Sure these people can't even drive in rain, but, but..... Oh well.

If it doesn't snow on Christmas, I'll be all right--'cause I had this loveliness at the time my heart was so ready for it!

All kinds

Day 346

So, I suppose I can't mention the music and Christmas thing two days in a row, even if we had devotionals two days in a row. Well, while tonight's was great, too, I shall pick something else.

I got to wear my "all-purpose formal" today. I picked it for its lovely green. (One of my very favorite shades of green, by the way.) My mother gave me this dress for Christmas 11 years ago. I wore it to my high school prom, and my Freshman homecoming, and to scads of future formal and semi-formal events afterwards (like watching "Wicked" last year). I love this dress, but don't always have the occasion to wear it as I'd like. Considering only 2 sisters wore green in yesterday's devotional, I thought I'd don this lovely, Christmasy green and add to the numbers of my favorite color. And it is not so formal that it isn't church appropriate. Though I suppose it stood out enough considering the many comments I got on it! Yet those comments were very nice to hear and made me so happy that this dress I love can still be lovely and modest and elegant.

I also received a lovely comment from an older friend I haven't seen in a few months. He asked if I had lost weight. Some may be offended by that, but I certainly wasn't. Not after all of the work I've put into that this past year. And as I'm coming up on my 1st SparkPeople anniversary in a couple of days, I was very happy to reflect on these positive, happifying, and positive changes that I've made. I've lost inches all over, dropped 1-2 clothing sizes (depending on the clothing item), and lost 15 pounds. That is one happy and successful year! And there's always more to come. So it felt very nice that someone noticed and commented.

Singing, a lovely dress, and a happy reflection on a great change in my life make this day pretty complete in gratitude and joy!

Music and Christmas

Day 345

I love our Stake Choir. I especially love the Christmas devotionals our stake choir gives. I may have been at the point of exhaustion before the Christmas devotional, but I was still very uplifted by it spiritually. There's a reason this is one of my favorite things to do all year--share my testimony of the Savior and praise Him in song at the time the world celebrates His birth.

And I felt the joy, peace, and hope for the true reason of this wonderful time of year.

It's the Weekend!

Day 344

I'm not sure if I've been grateful for this during this year, but I this week and this day I am most certainly grateful that it is the weekend. Not that I have the most relaxing weekend ahead of me. But I'm just glad to reach my week's end and have a break from work. Maybe that's because I've been focusing so much on revising booklists and reading review journals (blech!)

But I'm happy I've reached it.

Booklists!

Day 343

I've finally gotten back to booklists. That was one of my two main things when I worked in the adult reference department. But since moving over to children's, I have been so busy and have not made it to those booklists. Especially as the current 30+ all needed huge re-formatting which had been approved and requested long before I moved over. So my staff and I have been working on getting them updated and then I have to look over them to finalize and approve.

It was nice to go back to something familiar, though "different" with its Children's twist. (It also felt like it was at last a breath of air that I've needed for the last 10 months!)

Food!

Day 342

We had our City staff luncheon today. Being far away from the city's center, we usually have our food delivered. Some times the food has been OK. Today, the food was actually pretty good. So, the chicken was dry. But the potatoes, ham, and brownie totally made up for it!

And as my co-worker said, it was nice to have some "real" food for lunch.

With Friends

Day 341

My client had to leave early this evening, so I was able to make it to Institute. So I was over an hour late, and got there as the lesson finished and the party began. But that was all right. Of all the obligations I had, or other things calling out to me, hanging out with my fellow "Branch-ies" was what I wanted most.

And I'm so grateful the Lord blessed me to have that.

One other thing of absolute joyness also happened today. Again, I am not able to share. Perhaps I can in future, but not yet. However, it has left such a great smile and exuberant soul--I love it!!

Christ is the Reason

Day 340

I did it! I completed my music video for The Living Christ. It has been my project in my Family Home Mornings to work on memorizing this document. I thought that putting pictures with certain phrases would help, and then decided to add music to it all. It isn't like my other music videos, but it is what I wanted for this project.

I'm grateful that it is done and for how it is helping to not only bring this document closer to my heart, but also bring the reason of the season closer to me as well.

Christmas, Christmas Time

Day 339

Never fails. The First Presidency Christmas Devotional brings such a happiness! I realize that my Christmas season just doesn't feel officially begun until I have heard the Mormon Tabernacle Choir sing, had the chance to sing "with" them, and heard sweet Christmas messages from the prophet and his counselors.

It isn't just that Christmas is coming, it's that Christmas has come.

Lift Up Your Voice

Day 338

We are getting closer to our Christmas devotional(s) with the Stake Choir. It has been a struggle for many of us in trying to prepare for this. But it has still been such a joy for me to sing Christmas music with friends and with my testimony of what we're singing about. This morning's 3 hours of practice was very rejuvenating to my spirit and my testimony, considering all I've gone through this year.

I love that every year the message and true meaning of Christmas is impressed on me even more because of my life, how I've chosen to live my life, and how the Lord continually blesses my life.

Together and Alone

Day 337

Today was a simple yet great joy: a productive day at work both on my own and with my co-worker. With all that has come up lately, this means a lot to me.

And it makes me very happy and more at peace than I've been in a while.

I'm Happy

Day 336

There was one especial gratitude and joy today, but one I am unable to talk about in this setting. Suffice it to say, I felt like I was walking on air for hours afterwards. I was so happy and could not stop smiling. I'm sorry I cannot elaborate further, but I suppose you'll have to trust

I was happy. :-)

If you'd still like to hear something more substantial than that, I am finally getting to the booklists for Children's. All of them have needed a format update. After taking care of the school's summer suggestion lists (urg), I was taken over with Summer Reading. And things just never stopped. My co-workers were unable to get to them steadily. So the last couple of days I have been able to plunge in to approving those they have updated. I hope to get through them by next week. Thus leaving it all more organized and allowing for us to make new ones! This may not seem all that exciting to you. But as this was one of my two main things when I worked Adult Reference (the other being Summer Reading), it is something of a familiar nature as well as being very informative where the collection is concerned.

So it, too, makes me happy.

Lead Me, Guide Me

Day 335

My friend sent this to me in an email yesterday, but I didn't get to watch it until just now.

With what I've been going through recently, parts of this were very applicable as well as poignant for me.

The video was lengthier than the typical, but worth every bit. It is something I wanted to share, as well as have easy access to. So I'm posting it here for me and for you. I hope I may apply it to myself, down to the very last bit of counsel.

Addresses like this remind me of how grateful I am for righteous, inspired leaders and their counsel.

Appreciation

Day 334

OK. Sometimes I miss my evenings off, and I don't mind when I am not able to meet with my client for editing.

But it is nice being able to help my client.

And humbling while gratifying to know that what I feel isn't helpful is viewed as so by the client.

I am grateful that I am able to use skills often overlooked by others in order to help someone and see how grateful they are for those skills I possess.

Knowing what to do

Day 333

I know I talk about my programs, and how happy it makes me when people come to them. It is something I am grateful for. But there is something else I'm grateful for concerning programs--when I execute them well. I know it is never me alone succeeding there. I know the Lord helps me with that. His Spirit inspires my mind to know how and what to do when I encounter various situations. No, I don't think it is silly that the Lord would help me know how to read a book a particular way. Or to how to involve the children in the program. I think He knows that I want to do my best in serving the patrons, and give them a worthwhile and worthy experience in fun and learning.

I am grateful that nothing is too small or menial for the Lord to take notice and to help me.

Friend Supplied Movie Happiness!

Day 332

My roommate is fabulous. She gave me a Thanksgiving present. The movie musical Puss in Boots. I grew up with this movie. I love it. So many memories. And she remembered me talking about it and bought it for me! Don't you agree she's fabulous?

And I am loving the sweet nostalgia and happy smiles that this Sunday night movie has brought.

Home for the Holidays

Day 331

I traveled safely. I didn't completely fall asleep with any of my nodding offs. I had good weather. My stomach stopped trying to decide if it wanted to be sick. I did not get any headache or migraine. (Miracle right there.) I enjoyed the books I listened to. And I managed the trip to be an hour less than I had planned.

I'll miss vacation. I'll miss relaxing. I'll miss my friends. I'll miss the ability to de-stress. And I'm so not ready to go back to life and work and all.

But I am happy to be "home."

La, la la

Day 330

I got to sing today. As in, a real recital performance. With some one accompanying me instead of me struggling to play for myself while singing. And there were people in the audience, listening to us. And there was a microphone. My worst enemy, but I still used it.

And got to sing 3 songs from Broadway musicals. (How Could I Ever Know, Think of Me, and I Cain't Say No)

I rarely get to do that any more. But it is one of my favorite things to do. So, I was very grateful to have that opportunity--especially as it was my friend who accompanied me (and all of the other singers).

I loved it.

2010 Joy OF Gratitude, Every Day

Day 329

I think my Facebook statuses (not enough room to type all 3 in one) sum up today's overall thoughts and feelings.

Writing my "gratitudes" daily this year has pulled me through some difficult things. A deep gratitude to and for my Heavenly Father and my Savior for this marvelous blessing.

"How careful we should be to cultivate, through the medium of a prayerful life, a thankful attitude toward God and man!"-Joseph F. Smith

‎"To express gratitude is gracious and honorable, to enact gratitude is generous and noble, but to live with gratitude ever in our hearts is to touch heaven." -Thomas S. Monson

I am grateful for gratitude and the joy which I can testify that it truly brings.

Bundles of Joy

Day 328

This is definitely a season for thanks and gratitude!

*A joyful congratulations to my musical-loving, pottery-making, announced-her-engagement-on-my-20th-birthday undergraduate college roommate on her 2nd miracle baby: a sweet baby girl, such a long time in coming. A week ago was a very blessed day and I could not be more happy for her and her husband.

*A wonderful congratulations to my L.M.Montgomery-loving, takes-one-hour-to-say-goodbye, oh-the-Freshman-adventures-we-had undergraduate college best friend on her 3rd baby: their first son, and another long time in coming that brought a happy rejoicing on Monday.

*An excited congratulations to my sweet, supportive, understanding, knew-when-to-give-me-a-hug graduate college roommate on her first baby: a little boy that brought great smiles yesterday.

Wonderful joys for wonderful friends!

Dreams with Friends

Day 327

I've been to Disney World. Twice. Both times with family.

I've been to Disneyland Paris. Once. With choir & band tourmates.

I've been to Disneyland. Once. With me. (And with a stuffed turtle, too....)

But now I can say I've been to Disney World (Epcot) for a third time.

With two great friends.

(And two stuffed turtles.)

Home is where the love is

Day 326

I'm here! My home away from my family/parents' home!

I love it here.

I love feeling the Spirit.

I love feeling the love.

I love feeling at home, and like I belong.

"If this room would stop spinning..."

Day 325

Well, if one is going to be sick, and it has to be on vacation, at least it wasn't while on the road and that I had a loved one's bathroom to be sick in.

Yep. It's the little things.

(And working with little kids at church is quite the fun!)

The Most Needed Vacation Ever

Day 324

I'm packed!

It's all in the car!

It's just waiting for the work day to be over and then I'm off!

Family, Friends, Fun, and Florida--Here I come!!

A "real" Friday

Day 323

In case you were wondering, Harry Potter was done so well as far as staying with the book. Quite rushed and cramming stuff in, but that is not surprising since they had to make up for all the clues and development left out in the other movies. There was one particular part in the movie that I shall forever be furious about. Totally unnecessary, uncalled for, and...well, what audience were they trying to reach with that and what a horrible message it sends to so many! Furious, I tell you. Absolutely. If I ever get my own copy, I will find a way to edit out those 2 minutes. (I know. Two minutes. But it was a big enough piece of dog poop in the fudge brownie!)

So while seeing a movie stick close to a book I love was great, I had other happinesses. I had this Friday to myself. I don't usually get that. But I told my typical obligation that I had something else to do. (Which was loads of fun.) And I loved just lounging around with movies and nap spurts. And then my Visiting Teaching turned out very well (after an hour of traffic).

It felt like how a Friday off should be, and I loved it.

Tolls the Bell

Day 322

Another unexpected evening granted to me, in which I was able to get all sorts of things accomplished. It helped, too, as the end of work practically tripled in stress.

But you know what the best part is?

Deciding to go see Harry Potter 7 part 1 with a co-worker--at midnight!

I love random, occasional sillinesses with friends/co-workers who enjoy the same sillinesses!

Weaving Hearts

Day 321

I've been a crocheting fiend.

Fiend sounds evil.

Let's say a crocheting friend.

Our branch's goal for the stake's blanket project this year had originally been 12. A change in presidency and suddenly we were being asked to give 24. I had set a goal to make 2, hoping that I might actually get 3 done. And today I finished #4!!! (And if I have time on vacation, I'll be able to complete the one I'm in the middle of and be able to donate a total of 5.)

I am grateful I was taught to needlework skills, that the Lord has helped me accomplish much with these skills, and that He helped me complete this many with my limited time in order to bless some other lives.

(And with the new Presidency hoping we could at least muster 20, we managed to make 25 blankets.)

Amazing Man

Day 320

This morning I read the assigned Conference talks for tonight's Institute class. And one of them was Elder Cook's--where he mentioned William Wilberforce. It made me happy when I heard it then, and it made me happy when I read it this morning.

A very inspiring life of a very inspiring man, which I'm grateful I was able to learn about.

And they're STILL coming!

Day 319

I know I've mentioned it already this year. (Probably more than once.)

Yet I get so happy when patrons come to our programs.

It makes for a successful program and it is wonderful.

But I cannot get over it.

Especially when it is teen patrons.

And you have SIXTEEN--the most that have ever come to a teen-only event.

And they loved being there. And they loved the program. And they want to come again.

And...

It brings an incomparable joy when teens come to programs--maybe because I love working with the teens, maybe because I love seeing happy teens in the library. Not sure why, but I'm grateful for that joy.

Friends and Music

Day 318

I love my Stake Choir friends.

I love how they are happy to see me. I love how I am happy to see them. I love how we joke around. I love how we help each other with notes, rhythms, beats, tunes, etc. I love how we all share the same values and beliefs, and that it is reflected in the testimony of our music.

I love my Stake Choir friends.

P.S. Ever seen so much beauty all around you, and then hear a song that reflects that very beauty? it is so wonderful and beautiful, it makes the heart ache and soul cry. It is a singular happiness, and I'm so grateful I had it this morning.

"Bananas Unite!"

Day 317

I edited all day.

All.

Day.

Well, OK. Not the whole day.

But for 5 hours of it.

And that's a lot.

Especially on a Saturday.

So I was thrilled to afterwards have my National November Night and try my first efforts at Banana Pudding (for Banana Pudding Lovers' Month). They were both good. If I liked chocolate and peanut butter together, I would have loved my invention of Banana Pudding with Chocolate Peanut Butter crust. But I loved the regular one. I don't remember liking it much when I was younger. But something says it was rather coconutty, and mine was not.

But best of all--beyond the yumminess of the banana pudding--was that people actually came to my party! OK, so it was my home teacher and my visiting teacher. But they came. And that was the most thrilling of all.

I love good things!

After the Darkness

Day 316

Things are looking up much more. Fridays are typically very slow at work. Today was no different. Yet the co-worker I was with all day is one I work with very well. We do well with work things, but also in understanding each other's personal lives. It has helped me a lot having her to work with since I began as a Children's librarian.

And after the many things I was able to do and some good conversations while at work, things finally started to look up.

But it wasn't over with that. I was able to talk to a friend on the phone, one who has been busier and more stressed than me. This friend rarely opens up. It's a typical trait of theirs. It is often why I feel unequal in our friendship. That I'm never much of a help to them, and do little in lifting, supporting, inspiring, improving, sustaining, or any of those other positive and wonderful qualities that a friend should do for another. So when my friend opens up and I am able to try to offer solace and am given a task that can help them, I am filled with one of the greatest senses of purpose. I feel useful. I feel like I am doing something to deserve the title of friend. And I love it.

This is the best I've felt in the last couple of weeks or so. It feels nice to feel good, happy, purposeful, and useful.

Thank You

Day 315

Over the last year, the military has played such a prominent role in the lives of every one in this country. I have family members who served in the military. But not until my own friends and then my very own brothers joined military service units did I really think about it. It isn't just "military." They are individual beings. Each one sacrificing something for us. The military is no longer something in the past. It is in the present. My present. My life.

And I hope I can show the gratitude I have for each one who has ever sacrificed in order to serve in the way I live and continue to promote the freedom that we have.

Relax!

Day 314

The phone finally breaks. (I've been waiting for it.)

The phone is able to be replaced.

The new phone now requires some playing with to figure out.

And the city having Restaurant Week and everything going all in the wrong directions just ask for a Date Night. It wasn't bad, either. Great food. Lovely reading material. The environment could have been slightly better, but it was interesting.

It's nice to have a night out (especially before a day off from work that is not typically a day off) to relax when everything else seems to be going in all the wrong directions.

Be Counted

Day 313

I got to vote today.

Ever since 5th grade when I first really started to study global and national affairs, I looked forward to when I would be old enough to vote. I'm grateful that my parents and teachers instilled in me at a young age the importance and blessing it is to be able to have a say-so and let my voice be heard.

I waited anxiously for my turn. My first year to vote was a presidential election. I was in school, and my home state messed up my absentee ballot to the point where a few days before Election Day, I knew I would not be able to vote. I was devastated. And I'm not exaggerating. It was the final straw of a lot of things and I even took sick leave from work, knowing I would have been trying not to cry the whole evening.

So I'm grateful for every chance I have to vote. Of course, in all honesty I have not voted every Election Day. I have not always been able to stay up with what legislation is occurring, or understanding it on my own. But this year I was determined to know what was on the ballot. I also wanted to be sure to vote for the Congressman that I have come to greatly respect in the last couple of years.

Thus, today I am very grateful and happy for my opportunity to be informed and vote for what I feel is best for our city and state.

(Also pretty happy with how preschool storytime went, too!)

Not Alone

Day 312

I'm feeling better.

I think that's a huge grateful thing right there.

I know I'm going to make it through this, and I can feel the Savior with me as I walk on.

Day 311

It is not easy for me to bear my testimony. In words, at least. With music, well, that's my preference and I feel I do much better conveying what I think, feel, and believe there. Still, bearing through my own words needs to be done. No matter how hard.

After this week, I felt I would be ungrateful and undeserving and not fully accepting and acknowledging of the blessings that the Lord has given to me these last few days if I did not bear testimony of the Lord's ability to do so and my witness that He has done so for me. I haven't much of an idea of what I actually said. I usually don't. But I know in my heart that my bearing my testimony today was one of my parts in what the Lord has done for me this week.

I'm grateful I hearkened to the Spirit, and bore testimony of the Lord's Atonement and its/His subsequent power to heal and lift us.

I also wanted to put in a couple of plugs for other things:

*My baby is all mine. Yesterday was Lizzie's Magic Birthday (6 on the 6th). And about a month ago she became all mine when I mailed in my last payment. But I looked at it as being official when I received the title in the mail last week! The title!!! I had so many days when I never thought I'd see a title. Almost didn't know what to do with it.

*I now own one of the coolest Church DVDs around. OK. So I haven't used it to its full capability. I've only watched one thing. But that one thing is worth it. The movie Joseph Smith: Prophet of the Restoration. So glad to own that now for my viewing leisure.

"My Daddy is My Favorite Pal..."

Day 310

Today, I got to hear from President Osguthorpe, President of the Church's Sunday School. An amazing fireside. I felt the Spirit strongly and learned a great deal. So many things I would like to implement to help me be a better teacher and help the students learn much. I loved how he pointed out that education came from a Latin word that meant to bring forth, not to put in.

But what I am most, most grateful for today has to be my father. It is his birthday. And you know how nostalgic and emotional and sentimental I can be. Yeah. Birthdays of my parents are very special for me. Without them, there would be no me. And my father's birth was vital, as it affected my physical birth in this life, as well as my spiritual birth. And that spiritual birth was two fold.

1. His choices in life brought him to accepting the Gospel, which many years later would lead to an eternal marriage with my mother and the two of them working together to raise us children in the Gospel. So I acquired the beginnings of my knowledge and testimony from my father and mother until I was able to move on with those in my own progression. Of course, they are still there to help me with the Gospel.

2. My father is also the one who performed the actual ordinance of my baptism. This was very special for me, and a day I will never forget. It became even more special to me a few years ago when I realized I was his last child to baptize for their own ordinance (since the brother just older than me baptized the brother younger than me). That doesn't make me any more special, it just makes my baptism more special to me. Hard to explain, but when can a sentimental person explain themselves?

I love my dad in so many ways. I don't really know how to tell or show him without it feeling overly mushy or silly. But I hope he knows all the same.

I love you, Dad.

Sunny Day!

Day 309

I went to a Sesame Street Seminar this morning. It was work-related.

I loved the books we got dealing with milestones and "gauges" of early child development. Made me think of my mother and how she studied that in college and did so well in raising her 8 children.

I loved seeing what other librarians do in their storytimes or with their teens. Great ideas. Fun enthusiasm. Reminding me how much I love being in the youth services area!

But mostly, I loved remembering how awesome Sesame Street was for me as a child, and fully grasping just how well suited it was for me when I was little and how I can use something I know so well from childhood to help me in my job as an adult.

Sitting Quietly

Day 308

It is fun to hang out with co-workers in a non-work setting. Not always happy why we get together. But to to be together all the same. I enjoyed the table I where I was sitting at tonight's festivities. It was with people I don't usually get to just sit and talk with. At least, not any more. And rarely do I see all of them together. It was also fun to sit and listen to them.

I think it's funny how so many people think I'm always a talker. No. Not really. In large groups, I'm often the observer. A habit I picked up from growing up in my family. I would consider myself one of the quieter ones in the family--if at least when we're all together. Part of that being for the frequently misunderstood factor and my avoidance of getting in those situations if I can. In large groups outside of the family, it's still a foreign concept to them that I might actually enjoy being quiet. I am a people watcher by nature. So it can be upsetting when people tell me to cheer up--when I already am!!

Thus, it means a lot to me when I can be an observer in a group where I'm not worried to speak up occasionally, and where I'm not accused of being in a bad or sad mood because I'm being quiet.

She Knits? Crochets.

Day 307

I started a new blanket for our Blanket Service Project. And it is easy, fast, and lovely.

I love blanket patterns like that!

Especially when I'm trying to make 3 blankets in two weeks!

It truly was a wonderful thing when Sis. A. E. taught me to crochet--much good and joy has come to me because of that skill.

"He leadeth me"

Day 306

Things are difficult. I'm working through a lot from what came about yesterday. But I can already feel the Lord blessing me.

-Making it possible to go to Institute

-Comfort in my scripture study, prayers, and personal thoughts

-Comfort and support from my friends at work and church, whether they know the reasons or not

And the daily quote was so perfect. What I needed to hear, remember, and do.

"Turn to the Lord. Exercise all of the faith you have in Him. Let Him share your burden. Allow His grace to lighten your load."

Donald L. Hallstrom, "Turn to the Lord," Ensign, May 2010, 80

And I am determined to do so.

I am grateful the Lord never leaves me alone and knows what I am going through.

Always There, too

Day 305

In every honesty, this was a most wretched day. One of the worst in quite a long time. Leading to much self-doubt, injured self-esteem and self-worth, and loss of trust in myself and others.

I even cried at work.

Twice.

That's not a common occurrence. Especially crying in front of others. There are few who see me cry in public, and only because I am close to them and cannot hold the tears back. But overall, I am rather insistent about not crying in public, in front of others. It's kind of how you know that things are really "bad."

But how wonderful it is to have my mother. So patient. So strong. Because I cannot tell you how many times she has to sit on the phone listening to me cry and babble incoherently, whether for good reason or not. So much like Heavenly Father and the Savior.

I don't deserve such an amazing woman as my mother, but I'm so grateful she is mine.

I thought this daily quote that came to be quite appropriate and true:

"Your parents, with their maturity of years and the experience you have not had, can provide wisdom, knowledge, and blessings to help you over life's pitfalls. You may find . . . that life's sweetest experiences come when you go to Mom and Dad for help."

Ezra Taft Benson, "To the Rising Generation,' " New Era, Jan. 1986, 6–7

Halloween Happiness--Sabbath Style

Day 304

Oh, there was so much today. Lots of little things to be grateful for and to bring happiness. A few:

*My Hair Ritual. After what I've done to my hair in the last two weeks (especially yesterday's costume), it was so nice to nourish my poor tortured locks and bring back my beautiful, natural curls.

*My clever pun. I thought so at least. I made Yoda Soda for Linger Longer. Mostly because I wasn't able to make it for my Star Wars party and my home teacher had wanted some. So I promised to make him some. I thought it would be a nice touch for Halloween, since there wasn't much to do for that day (being the Sabbath). And then my co-worker gave me the idea of putting in ice in the shape of a hand. An added Halloween aspect. Nice touch. But even better when I came up (quite randomly, too) with the aforementioned pun: a sign by the drink which read "Cool Hand, Luke" I thought it hilarious. Yet only a couple really gave it the hearty and appreciative laugh that I had hoped for. But as one of those was the home teacher I made the drink for, it was worth it.

*Stake Choir has begun rehearsals again! And it's for Christmas. I do love singing Christmas music. Plus, it reminds me of my many choir years in school when we prepared for our Christmas concerts. What wonderful songs. What happy memories. And what a joy to get to sing!

*Actually being Visit Taught in my own home, and by a teacher whom I feel is definitely a friend.

I love the little things, because they are not little to me if they bring happiness!

Crazy Hair and Happy Patrons

Day 303

You should have seen my costume today. It was something. Really, it was all about the hair. But I'm still happy I was able to adapt things I already owned and not have to spend any money or anything in order for people to know what I was. They knew right off. And one of my favorite children from storytimes was dressed as the same character. (Though she was the cute version and I was the crazy version.)

The program itself had a few glitches, but overall went well. I think. Going by the patrons comments, I know.

And there is nothing that beats having patrons tell you at a program how great it was!

Making the House a Home

Day 302

I love productive days. Just as much as I love lazy ones. (Being honest.) But there is something about getting so much done in a day that is so uplifting. Especially when they are things for you, your home, and your family (of one, yes, but it's still my family). It's the sad thing about having to work outside the home to support yourself if you are a woman.

Don't get me wrong. I love my job as a librarian. It is full of fulfilling and great experiences. I learn so much. I love the people I serve and the people I work with. I love the ability to help so many. But the inner part of me cannot suppress the natural desire to be at home, setting things in order and happiness. It's one of the most upsetting and tiring things, having to work outside the home. I know plenty would think this a silly thing for a single adult to say. But it's true. My heart knows where it wants to be. And it will long for it and hope for it. Until then, I will continue to move on and do things to prepare, strengthen, grow, and improve myself.

So you may well see why a day to do things setting my house in order is so uplifting, relaxing, and enjoyable for me:

-washing dishes

-scrubbing stove top

-sweeping and scrubbing the floor

-cleaning the bathroom

-mixing up cookie dough

And all before 10 am.

*sigh*

It is such happiness to get to do the homemakery things in life.

Happy Thursday

Day 301

Just a Note: I was laughing earlier about calling my jaunty pumpkin C.--because of the bald spot. :-) (That's a bit of an "inside" joke there anyhow.) But I thought "nah!" Even if the namesake is also jaunty, fun, sly, cute, silly, ridiculous, and loves the color orange, I could come up with some other name. But when I brought him inside from his morning run (aka ride), I noticed he was sweating. That did it.

Meet C.--my adorable pumpkin.

[From the Thursday Chronicles]

OK. I think we can say that Thursday is fully redeemed.

Getting to totally fix-up my hair (with flowers!) without being thought I'm weird. (Thank you, Halloween!)

Getting to wear my fun maid-of-honor dress for storytime.

Getting access to a smorgasbord of Halloween/Autumn goodies.

Getting closer to my big program (and its accompanying stresses) almost being over.

Getting to wish Happy Birthday to one of the most awesome Tigers I know.

Oh yes. It is a glorious Thursday with much to smile about!

Day 300

Wow. Day 300. Already. It really is coming to the close of the year. While I know that by the calendar, it still seems like I'm only a few months into the year. It has been SO busy for me this year. I never thought I could be that busy and that stressed from so many other areas than I have been dealing with in the last few years. Absolutely amazing. But extremely fulfilling, even with the many challenges.

I don't think I've ever had so many people comment on what I was wearing. Well, comment and/or show their impressions on their face. So many! I would say about 90% of my co-workers. Which is quite a bit. And not something I'm used to. But it was still nice.

And what a most productive evening I have had!
I got the curlers in for tomorrow's storytime Princess costume.

I made loads of mashed sweet potatoes. (Oh my, I love my recipe.)

I had a lot of fun playing with photoshop, which I have done since grad school days in my Web Design class.

Roommie and I got started on Season 6 of Voyager. Woohoo!

Carved a pumpkin. My first in years. I've been around for plenty of pumpkin carving. I've even been part of the group. But I don't really remember my own hand plying the knife, or scooping the goop. Not since my Homecoming date with my boyfriend, 10 years ago. (Yes, that's been part of the major nostalgia and sorrow over the last few weeks/months). We had so much fun. And we loved our pumpkin. We modeled him after THE bell from the Claymation Christmas special. We named him Wilbur. Sweet memories.

So, in honor of Wilbur, I carved my own pumpkin. With my own knife. And my own hands to scoop. (Even cooked the pumpkin seeds to snack on later.) I even tried to do similar hands. I think he turned out wonderfully. Quite jaunty and I love him!!

All of this was very needed, considering the building stress, pressure, pains, headaches, disjointedness, confusion, displacement, and so much else going on in my life.

I loved coming home to an evening of just stuff, especially stuff that was fun, homemakery, productive, fulfilling, uplifting, and enjoyable.

Curls Divine

Day 299

So, I went for a bit of a cop-out in today's Halloween storytime as far as costumes go. I mean, I didn't try to be clever or anything. For a girl who still owns too many formal dresses of by-gone days, how easy it was to don one and say "I'm a princess!" Yeah. Complete cop-out.

But not a total waste. Because same said girl has lovely hair--if she says so herself. One of her prized temporal possessions. And any opportunity to play with said lovely hair--ah, bliss! And you know it's a good hair day when it still looks good throughout the day as it loosens, un-pins, and falls down. It may always take getting used to and accepting it, but my I am so happy that curly hair is allowable to look good as messy.

Temporal, yes, and a repeat in gratitude, but I love my hair and getting to play with it.

Day 298

Can I just say that it's nice to have a tiny break? This month at work has been so crazy busy. So much to do. And this week promises to be just as crazy. It made such a difference to have this one program done by my co-worker this evening to give me a break as I took care of all the rest I have to do.

So nice to have others to share the load with.

Being Green and Feeling the Spirit

Day 297

OK. Two things, since one was from late last night and I still wanted to share it.

I'm grateful for a costume--in spite of its defects and frustrations--which was successful! It's so nice when people can tell what I am without asking. (That's quite rare for me.) Plus, I had fun being Elphaba (pre-Oz experiences). And not only did I have fun with my costume, but I actually had fun at the YSA dance, too. Couldn't stand 97% of the music. And certainly didn't dance well. And wasn't asked for any slow dances until the very absolute end. But that went in character--Elphaba was never popular. And she didn't dance well. And she still managed to come to like who she was, and have confidence in herself, and find worthy causes to live, and have someone love her just for who she is. See?

There is a reason I love and admire Elphaba and am grateful that the (musical) character was introduced in my life.

And the other thing is that I'm grateful for another lesson taught well and, for me at least, with the Spirit. I love learning so much in my preparation and in my "delivering."

While I pray for others to feel the Spirit and learn from the lesson, I am at least grateful for what I am blessed with and able to gain.

Humbly I Ask

Day 296

As it is personal and sacred, I am not elaborating a lot. But I must state my gratitude for a Father and a Savior who listen to my concerns, and help me work things out, and allow me to find my own answers, and bless me throughout.

Mostly, I am grateful for a Father who answers my prayers--and that nothing is too small for Him to acknowledge and help me with.

Day 295

I went to my first work-related Conference today. I was on an up-and-down about whether or not I as looking forward to it. It actually went well. For reasons I would not have expected. But it was worth it. Nice to be around librarians and laugh at things we totally understand among each other. And know we all are there just to be better at who we are and what we do. I'm beginning to think this might be a theme for me.

I'm grateful for my chosen profession, and for others who chose it, too!

"I want to be the best I can"

Day 294

I cannot be more grateful for anything today than my choice to be baptized. 20 years ago today. It has been an amazing 20 years. One I hope that I've progressed throughout, and learned a great deal, and served much. If I have not done so as much as I would like (which is likely, for I always feel I could do more and be more), then I hope the Lord blesses me with at least another 20 years if not more to prove myself a worthy and worthwhile disciple of Him.

I am so immensely grateful that I belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

A Head Full of

Day 293

It takes hours. Literally. And a crick in the neck. And sore arms. And feeling hot and tired. And knowing it's terrible and will require a week or two of treatment.

Which is why I don't do this more than once or twice a year.

But it's such a fun and different change.

And I can't help looking at it over and over.

My hair. Straight.

Don't get me wrong.

I love and embrace my curls far more than most curly haired people do (who, in most cases, don't embrace them).

And I still stare at my curls in disbelief on their lovely days, shocked and amazed and happy that I could ever achieve/have such a beauty. (Thanks to Ouidad for helping me learn to take care of it, and thanks to Heavenly Father for blessing me with such a gift.)

But straight, flat, unfluffy, shiny hair is so different on me (my family would attest to that), that I can't help liking this occasional look.

And not being able to help running my fingers through it constantly!

Once or twice a year is more than enough for me.

Yet it is nice to have the choice and ability for a different look and know (or hope!) that my more favored look is ready and waiting for a simple wash of the hair.

Thanks for Coming

Day 292

In the turmoil of my life, more turmoil has been added. But it is good turmoil. At least, it provides knowledge, opportunity, experience, and lots and lots to think about. It's a little stressful. It's a bit nerve-racking. But there is also a bit of joy and excitement to have this turmoil present for a few days. It's odd, but it's true.

I'm grateful for learning to be grateful for my trials.

(And I'm really grateful for adorable, fun children in storytime.)

Count the Many

Day 291

It is sad to admit, but a truth nonetheless. This morning, for the first time since beginning my "new" and current position, I woke and thought, "I don't really want to go to work."

True, it's attributed to many things.

Having a very difficult evening the night before and crying myself to sleep.

Knowing the many stresses that come with this week (it's Teen Read Week, and we also have our state library's annual conference--not to mention one of my other programs and my regular storytimes).

Feeling the stress building without ability to release, causing worry of an impending nervous breakdown.

Or just having a small, simple dream that doesn't seem possible to have.

I keep thinking over and over what Anne says to Gilbert when he asks "Have you any unfulfilled dreams?" in Anne of the Island.

"Of course. Everybody has. It wouldn't do for us to have all our dreams fulfilled. We would be as good as dead if we had nothing left to dream about."

How much I have known this sentiment! Too much. I agree in many respects, and am grateful for the dreams the Lord has helped to fulfill, the ones He is helping me to prepare to fulfill one day, and the ones that I know just aren't meant for me and which I'll be OK (and maybe better) with not having.

But that doesn't make it any easier as you see those dreams not being fulfilled. Even the simple ones like going to the mountains for an autumn campout and a rejuvenating hike among some of Heavenly Father's wondrous and beautiful creations.

I am in a very hard time for me at this moment of my life.

However, I have found positives. Small pieces of gratitude that are even more worth having right now because I need them so much.

I'm grateful for a horrendously busy day that keeps my mind from sinking into sorrow for myself. I don't need any pity parties, and being busy certainly keeps me from having them...at least, for very long anyhow. (Just being honest. :-) )

I'm grateful for co-workers who sense the stress and emotions, whether or not they know exactly the cause or whatever. They are unquestioningly and unfailingly helpful and supportive.

I'm grateful for being able to just toss my hands up over a copier that insists on being stinky and not simply copying the copy. It's hilarious when I step back and look at it.

I'm grateful for royal blue. I'm told it's my color. I'm told that about a lot of colors. But I have always loved royal blue, and am still disapppointed that BYU changes over from that favorite color of mine, to the one shade of blue that I am not fond of. But royal blue makes me feel just that--royal. Able to do and handle anything. Able to pull through. And add to the royal blue a ribbon that matches perfectly in a hairdo that even as it continues to fall down throughout the day receives compliments from friend. There was even a comparison to my dearly admired Molly! So, yes, I'll be grateful for royal blue.

I'm grateful for a home where I can just unwind and not have to feel smothered, forced to talk about my day if I don't need to, but able to do so without feeling like a 12-year old who does not know how to handle what she is going through.

I'm grateful for having food. It's so nice to be able to eat. To not feel hungry. To have choice and variety, and more complete nutrition.

And no matter how difficult it is right now, I'm still grateful for what I have, what I am experiencing, what I'm learning, and who I am.

I'm grateful for life. My life.

"Great are the Words of Isaiah"

Day 290

For years--since BYU days--I have wanted to study Isaiah better. But it seemed intimidating, of course. And I have always been trying to fit in other scripture and Gospel studies. There's so much! I wasn't sure what time I could devote, or just exactly how I would go about it. I considered putting it on my Whatever Wednesdays, but right now I feel to focus that one on more study of Preach My Gospel and reading recent Conference talks.

My chance has come with the last two weeks (and the next 2 or 3) of studying Isaiah in Sunday School. Granted, the reading assignments don't require us to read every single chapter. I looked at this as one way to get my feet wet. To start out a little and not be overly intimidated. And now I had a wonderful tool to help me out! Thus, I began. Last week's study was enjoyable as I went through chapters 1-6, per lesson reading assignment.

But this week's? I started yesterday, continued for 2 hours this morning, and still only managed to read 4 of the 7 assigned chapters (22, 24-26, 28-30). (I did skim the others to be prepared.) I got so much out of what I studied. It was amazing and fantastic! I was having fun, and feeling the Spirit, and even understanding what was being said and making connections. It was such an incredible experience. I love experiences like these!

And what, you ask, am I doing? I am trying to apply Elder McConkie's Ten Keys to Understanding Isaiah (which my mother taught to me in Seminary and later in Institute, and which I in turn had to teach when I substituted in Sunday School two years ago). I think I have worked on Keys 1-3 since my Seminary days, so I knew a bit of what to expect as I began. And Key #8 was something my father has taught us children many times when we were growing up. I think my days as an English major also helped with that. Last week, I used key #4 (using the Book of Mormon).

Both weeks, especially today, I used Key #5 (use Latter-day revelation). I went to GospelDoctrine.com--introduced to me by my previous Institute teacher. It is one fabulous resource, and just what I needed for this venture into Isaiah. When finances afford, I want to buy the Isaiah student manual and go deeper, because this is awesome! (And I want to be able to apply Key #10.)

I may have only covered 13(ish) chapters of the 66 total, but I think I can begin to truly say--as I've always wanted to--I love Isaiah!

Mmmm-yum yum

Day 289

As I got to have pizza for the second time in 5 days, I looked back over the week. And what a week it has been for food!

Including

-the ever wonderful Papa John's

-a trip to my favorite salad bar

-fried apples, homemade by me

-today's pizza (Sam's Club--not bad)

-gingerbread, homemade by me and eaten with Pumpkin Mousse (oh my)

-this morning's crepes, homemade by me and eaten with homemade apple compote (of sorts)

-my current favorite pasta meal

-red velvet cake at a co-worker's party

-buffalo chicken bites

-especially delicious pumpkin chocolate chip cookies, which I believe are what started it all!

It can seem trivial, but it really isn't. I mean, we kind of need food. And we might as well enjoy it, right? To a good, wholesome extent of course (which my 10 months' loss of 15 pounds and 2 dress and 2 pants sizes can verify that I'm still on the right track).

Some days, even weeks, I just can't help but be grateful for food.

"You are so beautiful to me"

Day 288

Celebrations all around included:

*Dressing up (even put on make-up for work, which rarely happens these days).

*A special grocery trip to enjoy the much craved after salad bar.

*Sitting in the cool, 60ish weather to eat lunch at "my" park.

*Playing on the swings!

*Making gingerbread to go with my first taste of pumpkin mousse. (oh my--you are missing out!)

And all for what?

For my dear little Bob's birthday.

I may be crazy and insane, but if a the cutest-ever tiny stuffed sea turtle can bring my unfailing happiness and moments of sweet joy, then I will take it all!

"Give a smile"

Day 287

It really was fun getting to do Outreach storytimes this week. (These were my first.) The children were so excited to see us, so well behaved, so eager to be read to and join in the songs. Their voices made my heart happy. Their smiles were joyous and uplifting.

This is why I put up with all of the admin stress; I'm grateful for the constant reminders.

Stop some of the bleeding

Day 286

I required taking sick leave today. But I managed to work and achieve a workable stopping point (though I'm still thinking of all the things I should have tried to do). And once home, I managed a bath to try and ease some pain, and a nap to try and right the mental and physical state. And had two simple, nu-tritious and de-licious meals.

It was only a small bandage for the serious wounds, but I am grateful I had it available and was able to have it, too.

A never-failing joy

Day 285

Our new Institute teacher mentioned that he thought we should have pizza. Maybe on a monthly basis. Who am I to argue with that?

The first time he brought it, I was unable to attend Institute because I was working. I thought I had recently missed the second pizza treat for the same reason. Yet last night at FHE, I found out that the pizza was for tonight.

I kid you not: I spent 24 hours thinking about that pizza. Longing for it. Hoping for it. I had so much joy, expectation, dreaming, and support from the belief of that pizza coming. (I don't get pizza often, if you couldn't tell.)

But it wasn't pizza. It was Papa John's pizza.

Ah sweet entity in a realm of its own.

With a little effort, a lot of fun

Day 284

I love a day off. Sleeping in. Reading. Watching a movie. Time to cook a real meal, and sit down to eat it. A real day of relaxation. But add to that one thing I don't usually get any more. Because it was not a typical day off for others, the branch did not cancel FHE. Which meant, I could go. Only, I need to conserve gas, so I needed a ride. One part of me could have used that as an excuse to just stay home in my comfort zone. But I knew I should go, so with combined efforts, I got one!

Do you know what a difference it makes to have someone else drive you to an activity which typically sets you into high stress mode? It lessens it a great deal and puts me on a slightly more comfort zone. It also helps that there were not dozens of people there, so I was able to keep anxiety down to a minimum. And of those who were there, the people do not tend to cause me anxiety in general.

So the minimal stress that did develop was also dispelled, which allowed for a (now) different kind of evening that was highly fun and enjoyable.

10-10-10

Day 283

So, what am I to be grateful and joyful about on this fun day?

Plenty.

But I have one that really stands out to me right now:

As I prepared for our Sunday School lesson in reading, marking, comparing, and studying the first 6 chapters of Isaiah, I noticed that I was truly loving and enjoying it!

Playing

Day 282

I was "senior staff" today at work, and it was not a nice, slow, no-cares, no-worries day. We were hopping! And short of staff. And had a program (which turned out well--yay for mini yarn dolls that you can call scarecrows!). And a serious and confusing patron complaint. It was a whole different kind of exhausted when I left work.

But the day wasn't over! I had some editing to do, though it was a very different kind of editing. Interesting, but "wow" with the brain. At least I was able to check the scores for the game that BYU won!! (Finally.)

Yet it wasn't any ol' game. It was Homecoming game. I have a particular connection to BYU Homecoming. Depending on what is going on in my life, it can be happy, sad, silly, fun, or all kinds of things. As this year, especially these last 5 months, I have been extremely nostalgic, this Homecoming proved to be nostalgic. And I thought I'd grown out of the need for it, but I don't think I will ever grow out of that need. Oh well. If you're going to be a Janeite, you might as well live it up:

I dressed up for Homecoming!

And proceeded on to having my own enjoyable evening to remind me of just how wonderful life really is.

"And we'll have fun, fun, fun..."

Day 281

A "real" Friday night. At least, one like the good ol' (though not so long ago) college days when I got to spend it with roommate(s). This one was complete with some of our marathon. A trip to a store (I have yarn to complete one of my blankets!). A stop to get the ever-wonderful Frosty. (Chocolate, of course.) And as both of us have work tomorrow, there's no worry about one hoping the other will stay up longer so the fun can keep going.

How nice that the good, clean, fun times--no matter what they involve--are always there to be had!

Jus' Me

Day 280

A squink more ability to breathe. Seeing a glimpse of maybe things potentially having a possibility of coming a little past the chaos at work. Perhaps.

I find it hilariously ironic that I said this only yesterday. 'Cause that didn't happen today.

Well, aside with starting up Season 5 of the roommate Star Trek Voyager Marathon, I think the greatest joy from today was one of sheer simplicity, it was quite wonderful:

Eating my lunch of an apple (reminiscent of junior high and high school days), I just sat on the bench looking at the world around me and thinking. No book. No music. Nothing but me, an apple, the world, and my thoughts.

Myself by Myself for Myself.

Food. Glorious Food.

Day 279

A perfect fall day. The sky was an amazing blue, yet it was half covered with some of the prettiest clouds I've seen in a long time. The temperature was perfect and the breeze uplifting and calming. It was wonderful to read and think while I took a walk on my lunch break. I've missed truly relaxing walks.

An interesting and insightful political book. I don't often find nonfiction interesting. And even less so do I find politically written books to be interesting. I want to invest myself more in being aware and having informed views and opinions so I can better stand up for my values. But it is hard to find such things that are interesting as well as not overwhelming. But this book was everything I needed, and I really enjoyed it.

A squink more ability to breathe. Seeing a glimpse of maybe things potentially having a possibility of coming a little past the chaos at work. Perhaps.

A fun holiday catalog. Totally worth every giggle and exclamation with fellow children's librarian.

A small reward. A trip to a salad bar and some apple pie with sharp cheddar cheese. Why? Because I sent in my last payment on my dear and devoted car!!!

That could have been the clencher. And it almost was. But I had a rescheduled appointment. Because of the rescheduling, the plans for Friday changed, and one very anticipated plan moved up to this evening. And I couldn't help think about it. All. Day. Long.

Because for someone whose grocery budget is currently a little more than the cost of a tank of gas, and whose last month's grocery budget was spent entirely on emergency supply food stuffs to make it through in times of no electricity or gas (hurricane season!), or one of my stomach episodes,

could it be any wonder that today's surprisingly greatest joy which "trumped" Last Car Payment was

Going Grocery Shopping!!

(But as I've known about Last Car Payment for a couple of days and I don't count it official until the check is cashed, I'm still saving that joy. For it won't be any less then!)