Joining in Song

Yesterday was the annual Relief Society General Meeting. I have always loved this meeting. It falls within a week of my birthday, and I have come to consider it as one of my birthday presents--getting to hear from our General Relief Society presidency and one of the members of the First Presidency. What a great gift!

In 2003, I had the most wonderful opportunity to sing in a choir for that meeting. The women of BYU Women's Chorus (that included me) joined with the sisters of the Temple Square mission to sing. The main song we sang was specially commissioned for that meeting and the message the RS presidency wanted to give. It was a beautiful song and I still sing what I can of it. I was disappointed to learn this week that there is no video archive of it on lds.org. I would love to hear that song again. It had such an amazing message about Choosing the Good Part.

I cherished that experience. Moving back east, I assumed it would be a once in a lifetime experience. Even when I moved back to Utah, I didn't think such an opportunity would easily come for me. But this year, it did. Three YSA stakes asked women to be part of a choir. Even though I'm in a family ward, the YSA bishop of the ward boundary I am in asked that I take part. And it was so wonderful to have another opportunity like this. Even more special because it is a new RS Presidency--their 1st annual meeting. And President Linda Burton? She is "my" YSA Stake President's wife. She spoke to us in March, right before she was called and sustained as the new president. She is wonderful. And the messages and counsel she and her counselors gave tonight--both in the meeting and specifically to the choir before it--were so great.

The Lord blesses me with so much, and I am so grateful to have this amazing blessing again!

Getting to Know Them

Day 236

I had a great time being able to go to our Relief Society activity. It was a Chocolate Appreciation Night and we took time getting to know each other. What I loved was that of the ~15 sisters there, I knew all but 4 of them. And of those 4, I knew about 2. I felt great knowing that I know more people than I thought I did.

I'm grateful the Lord has given me the opportunities to get to know people in my ward, in spite of my busy schedule.

Today's Smile: I had another smile over the phone. This one was immediate, for as soon as I said hello, the lady on the other end said how much she loved my name and was so glad to finally have a grandchild with it.

Today's Something New: I, the, week+ vacation planner, actually can pack for a trip in one evening. Good thing I'm not going to let that become a habit!

Patience and Learning

Day 269

Today was my first time to teach a Relief Society lesson as a Relief Society teacher. I've taught them many times as a counselor, but never as a teacher. I was a little bit nervous, but very excited. I mostly worried and hoped that I would have the Spirit with me.

I do believe he was, and I am grateful for that. I'm also grateful for just how much I gained in preparing to teach Pres. Uchtdorf's patience talk--as I wasn't even able to share 1/2 of what I learned for myself.

(And top that off with watching It's a Miracle while singing along to it? Well, it's been a fabulous day!)

Have you done your VT today?

Day 259

Visiting teaching.

Done well? Done right? And done?

It really is a joy.

Boasting

Day 241

Strawberry cake with chocolate sauce. Mmmm.

But that's not what I wanted to write about of today's gratitude. I thought I should write something more of the spiritual nature--since this is my blog where I wanted to focus on many spiritual things.

In our 5th Sunday combined Relief Society and Priesthood meeting, we were asked to choose and briefly share our favorite scripture story from The Book of Mormon. Only so many people were able to share before the time was up. I was unable to share mine, but wanted to share it somewhere. This seemed a pretty good place, and a definite item of gratitude and joy!

First, I could never pick a favorite story. Or a favorite scripture. Are you kidding? The Book of Mormon is my favorite book, with countless parts that I love, adore, and cherish! I'm thinking that next year I may daily write of passages that bring me joy and gratitude.

But the one I had settled on, and what I had planned to say, was this:

In my current way of marking my scriptures, I am being a Pollyanna and marking the "happy texts" by underlining them in green. So as I flipped through the scriptures, I came across a chapter marked with a lot of green! It's Alma 26. To me, there is a lot of green for two main reasons. One, because of the joy that Ammon and his brethren feel from preaching the Gospel, and from seeing so many embrace the Gospel. But the second is why the scripture means much to me right now. It is verse 12, with my own emphases and pauses.

"Yea, I know that I am nothing; as to my strength I am weak; [pause] therefore I will not boast of myself, but I will boast of my God, [pause] for in his strength I can do all things...."

I do know that I am nothing. But I know that all things--everything going on in my life--I can truly do with, through, and because of my God. And for that, I will most certainly boast.

Let Me Count the Ways

Day 220

There are a few things I could choose for today:

*I finished 3/5 more of one of my goals for the year. I set so many, and yet changes (like work) will keep me from fulfilling quite a few (like yesterday's race that I'd been wanting to run again since I crossed the finish line last year). Still, my goal to complete 5 projects using my sewing machine is almost done. I hemmed 3 pairs of pants today.

*I hemmed 3 pairs of pants today, and didn't do a horrible job on them, considering my skill level. One reason I am so reluctant to ever hem pants is because it's really hard to measure them when you're wearing them. But I need pants quite badly. I'm down to 3 pairs--none of which really fit. One pair I've had for 8 years, and the another I've had for 10. So the acquisition of 3 pairs over the last year (2 from just this summer) has required the need to hem. And I did all 3. And now I have pants to wear--even though one already requires a belt. (And that's a whole different story there--me about to start wearing a belt. Wow.)

*Major vanity today. I wore what I have already started to call "My Birthday Dress," though occasionally think of it endearingly as "the Blood Clot Dress." I love this dress. I love how I was able to modify and it still looks good. I love how I feel in it. I love the fabric. I love the colors. I love the style. I love the dress. And I thought I looked good in it. I was too anxious to wait in wearing the dress. So I wore it today. And no one said a thing. Not. One. Thing. Not even a notice that I was wearing an actual new dress. OK, OK. So not everyone remembers my outfits as I may remember theirs. But I had hoped someone would say something about this dress that I already love so much. Then I began to worry that perhaps it wasn't modest, even though I'd tried. My roommate has told me it is, but I'm still wondering. I did get some looks from people from both family wards and the branch. I'm not the best at interpreting looks, so I don't know if they were anything, or if I'm paranoid. I don't know. It definitely was disheartening that no one said a thing. But then, the bright side was that I loved the dress so much and how I look and feel in it, that I (mostly) brushed that away. (Though I'm still a teensy about the modest factor.)

*I got to play the piano today. I was asked to fill in in Sacrament, and then filled in for Relief Society, too. I love playing the hymns. And I miss being able to play for meetings. It adds an entirely different element to my worship on Sundays.

*I was released from my calling as Relief Society 2nd Counselor, over Education. And there wasn't a calling waiting for me. There won't be for at least one week. And as this is my last week of full-on Summer Reading and I've been sporting a slight headache for the last 2 weeks and I feel I'm going to pass out from exhaustion with any step--I'm thrilled to be calling free for one week! Don't worry. I'm not about to shirk any and all responsibilities. I'm just enjoying the one week of not having to stress so much in that particular area of my life.

*My lima bean concoction for dinner was marvelous.

*I now know how to dispose of the random giant toy that was "given" to me a few days ago.

*The headache did not worsen throughout the day.

*The Mormon Channel podcast of a conversation with Sister Beck and her daughters was wonderful and something I very much needed.

But what was most wonderful and joyous about today?

That I had all of those things to list.

Never Ceasing: Spiritual Uplifts and Answers to Prayers

Day 171

All the stress (minus moving) from before vacation came rushing back today.

It had been rearing it's head throughout the week, but I was too busy to glance at it. Then I made myself have a fabulous day off.

But today, so much flooded in.

And I couldn't let the tears flood out until all meetings and stake choir were over.

Tears as I was attacked by sorrow from:

*missing my family (trips to see family do that)

*knowing my closest relatives will be gone be even further from me in 2 weeks

*realizing that being away from my family--the people who have always meant the most to me--is truly draining me in many ways

*feeling alone

*wondering how in the world I am going to handle this summer (all chaos breaking loose tomorrow)

*doubting (as occasionally happens until I mentally slap myself for being silly and worrying over silly things) my attractiveness and desirability

Of course, that's not to say that I didn't have some great things to the day that kept trying to buoy me up:

*good scripture study

*great talks about the Priesthood from recent General Conference to read in preparation for Relief Society

*feeling really pretty with my In-Honor-of-My-Awesome-Father outfit (Chinese dress, Jade Necklace from Dad, and the Daddy Sandals), good make-up job, and the straight hair (only one comment, so I guess it's no big thing to most church members, but 2 hours and being able to run my fingers through my hair over and over is huge to me!)

*succeeding in only half slaughtering the insane song I'm playing for branch choir

*very good talks in Church with lessons the Lord specifically wanted me to hear

*singing beautiful music in stake choir where I always feel the Spirit

*beans, corn on the cob, and mini chocolate frosted donuts awaiting me at home

But the best thing came after that. After the crying. During the music listening and the food eating (because the lack of protein was making me even more upset than usual). After another plea to heaven. I heard from a friend whom I thought I had greatly hurt and offended, and just didn't know what to do any more concerning our friendship after attempts with no response. And for a worry that had been plaguing me all week, it sure left quickly. Thank you.

I'm so grateful for the Savior's understanding and calming, for Heavenly Father answering our prayers, and for people who follow the Spirit to help answer those prayers.

More than One

Day 108

My trip to the temple has set a need for pondering things. And what I rarely have now is time to ponder. Which is sad. Because thinking (as I call it) is so beneficial for me. Healing in many cases. Uplifting, inspiring, enlightening, and renewing as well. Yes, all things that--as we learned in Relief Society today--the Holy Ghost helps us with. While I knew I wouldn't get much, I still knew I needed some time alone. Real alone time. So I left for church very early and went walking in the quiet neighborhood by the church building.

It was the perfect weather for a walk, and (as you must know by know) how I love a walk!

I only just got started on my ponderings, but that was expected. This is not anything that will go away in a day or two. But I had hoped the walk would put me in a more pleasant attitude for others to be around. It was close to working. Then as I waited for choir to start, I began reading the April Ensign. I read the wrong article. It started mentioning every thought and reasoning I'd been having with some particular trials. The tears that came so fast were quelled just as quickly, what with the public setting and needing to compose myself to begin choir. But I now wonder--was it the wrong article to read? Or was it a right one? And if so, exactly what was right about it that I should be getting from it? I don't want to misinterpret the spirit in this.

Whatever the case, I'm grateful there is an abundance of sources (current ones, too!) that always find some way to help me with my trials.

It did help that two people sensed I needed a hug. And one mentioned my solo a few days ago. And one who could see my the pain in my eyes came to sit by me, probably unaware of how depressed I get when I sit alone. And another complimented me on what I was wearing. And another offered me the last of a bag of chips I really like. And one or two just ignored anything that might have come out a little less sweetly than it should. And two waited patiently until I was a bit more myself and never alluded to my difficulties.

And in these little things that no one had any idea of their effect, I found it to be a bit more easier to endure the turmoil inside.

Plus I have found a small project in my family history that will take a bit of time! Good, worthwhile time of course. But a whole list of names from a tree on Ancestry and so far I'm not finding them on new Family Search. I'm doing what I can to double check names, dates, records, etc. and make things accurate. But could it be that I've found eight people who have been "forgotten" and with no one out there tracing them? Or at least a lost connection within my own family that I can try to reconnect?

I do love finding family!

Strength in Numbers

Day 106

Aside from the fact that I'm even more exhausted, the day has gone well so far. And my morning had one thing that made me happy. As it was in Utah when I would return to school or work after a Church event, today I was able to come to work and talk about last night's amazingness--with someone who knew. In fact, that someone was there. I've missed being able to talk like that at my "every day non-Church related stuff" as I used to do. Don't get me wrong. I talk about it with others. But those not of my faith don't fully understand. Those who were not present cannot share their opinions, feelings, and thoughts on the matter.

So I was grateful to have a friend and fellow Relief Society sister to talk to at work about how wonderful last night was.

May I Serve Thee

Day 100

My 100th day! It is amazing! Telling you about my joys and gratitudes on a daily basis has truly made a difference in my life. It has helped me keep the peace and happiness the Lord helped me to find last December. In fact, I just had a very, very hard week in all respects. And yet, it was a week that I felt completely on top of no matter how much was thrown at me. I didn't feel that I was suffocating, or that I wouldn't see the sun again. I saw the sun the entire time. I had no trouble breathing. All was well as I dealt with each day and made it through.

The Lord is blessing me so much. I see it every day in the small ways. But He sends the big things, too. For example, 3 weeks ago we learned that Sister Julie Beck herself--our General Relief Society president whom I have loved and looked up to for at least 7 years now--is coming to speak to my stake. Well, we've made it a tri-Stake event, yet my stake is hosting it. It will be in my stake building (quite close to where I work, and is my "home ward" building). And 2 weeks ago, the women of our stake choir were asked to sing a special musical number for it.

Now, I love to sing. Anyone who knows me knows that is an inseparable part of me. I share my feelings much more easily through song--including my love for my Savior and for my Heavenly Father, and my testimony of the Gospel. So when I get to sing for various church functions, I am humbled, honored, and grateful. Singing for church leaders? I'm even more so. I have had opportunities to sing in General Conference. It meant so much to me to be there and be part of that. I was able to sing in a choir when Sheri Dew came to speak to my BYU RS stake--and I still remember the song, and her hugging me afterwards when I got to meet her. (Sister Dew is right up there with Sister Beck, for me.) Last year I was able to not only sing in the choir for Stake Conference where Elder Richard G. Scott was our presiding authority, but also play the piano for the YSA fireside he requested to hold.

Singing for Sister Beck for next week's fireside? It couldn't get much better, could it? I was wrong. The Lord had another blessing in store for me. Due to the difficult week I've had and to fighting either a cold or the extreme pollen season we've been having, I had to postpone my temple trip and family visit. I did not want to risk falling asleep at the wheel (which was quite likely in my condition), and I needed lots of rest. Staying home meant I was able to attend our final choir practice for the fireside. I'd already had to miss one of the 3 practices for work. But luckily it was a song I was asked to sing in a trio last year for a missionary "farewell." It is a song that has come very close to my heart and I love it dearly. The more I sing it, the more its message takes hold of me and reminds me of who I am, and why I live (or try to live) as I live. And at practice today, our director asked me to sing the first verse as a solo.

Goodness--I'm crying just at the thought of it. I get to sing my testimony to this woman I love and admire so much. I--myself alone--get to share these words with everyone there, including Sister Beck and most especially to my Heavenly Father and my Savior:

Lord, take these hands

Let me use these Hands

To serve Thee willingly.

Lord, take these ears

Let me hear Thy words

And humbly follow Thee.

I love the music. I love the message and its power. I love the pleading and the promise. I love the song.

May I Serve Thee- Tammy Simister Robinson from Meg Mitchell on Vimeo.

I will never be able to describe how much music means to me, nor how much being able to use that gift to bear my witness and testimony as well as praise my Father and Savior is a life-changing experience every time.

But I can simply say I am grateful for each opportunity He blesses me with and hope I am truly worthy of them.

Speaking Up

Day 72

We had Saturday stake meetings today. I represented the entire YSA Relief Society presidency. Often in the stake meetings like this, I sit back and gain from the more experienced sisters around me. The topics generally addressed are ones that don't quite include the YSAs. This time, I didn't let that keep me. I felt I needed to speak up in representing the singles. We have a great support from our stake leaders as a singles' branch, but some of the family wards don't think much on us and don't realize what a great work is being done with, through, by, because of, and for our branch.

So in our combined presidency meeting, we were talking about why it is important to know the doctrine. I had my own say, so I shared. This is not typical for me in any setting. See, I was the one who knew the answers as a youth, and the youth stopped answering questions because they knew I knew the answer. In Seminary, my teacher [aka mother] asked me to stop answering questions so the others would have to figure things out. I started to get used to that, and then when I got to BYU, I loved to sit back and listen because I learned so much from all that was being said around me. I have had to spend the last 3 to 4 years learning to speak up in classes again. While I'm much better at it now, I'm not as comfortable with it in a room mostly full of strangers.

Well, when I spoke out my comment, the stake RS president said she wanted to pause and bring out how we as a singles group worked on what we were discussing and why it was important in our particular group. So I had to speak up even more than I had expected, but I was so grateful I had the opportunity to "talk up" our little branch.

My active participation did not end there. When we split up into various groups, I spoke up quite a bit in the meeting of the education counselors. I even brought up one of the difficulties that we faced and received equal counsel from my peers. It was greatly appreciated.

I always love getting to know others in the stake. Especially in my current stake. I love the people in it. I love that I feel I belong, and that I have a place. So to step a little out of my comfort zone and put myself on an equal, active, participating, and contributive footing, it made me feel fantastic!

Today, I was not so Happy

Day 59

It was more that I was tired. Am tired. Very, very, very, very tired. And that's only the half of it. I thought I would fall asleep at every moment during church. The music was played rather slow, and that didn't help in trying to rouse me. The lessons were not as involved with the students, so I couldn't even keep my mind alert for those. Various responsibilities spiritually and mentally weighed down on me as well, which seemed to make the physical exhaustion even worse!

But what were some things that brought me joy and gratitude?

*The Spirit reminding me that I am doing well, that I am in the right place and time doing the right things even if my heart longs for something else. So my heart can be at peace knowing it's where it belongs.

*Having a missionary discussion with the missionaries and a recently returned missionary. I love being around their enthusiasm and spark.

*Being able to focus more on some of the hymn lyrics we sang today

*Having memories of my sister from the special musical number

*Being able to play fairly well the new choir piece--on first look! (It's a really pretty arrangement of "I am a Child of God" and "I Believe in Christ" called testimony. You can find it here.)

*Having leftovers from last night to come home to and enjoy

*No responsibilities or appointments which allows for a very early turn-in time. (I am really grateful for that one!)

*Not passing out at church or while driving

*Having one of the fudge cupcakes before Sunday School. It was a happy thought during a rough time

*Reading the wonderful Ensign talks for our Relief Society lesson today. They were great!

*Listening to my Hilary Weeks CD after a 2-month break.

*Being able to find the good things after a hard day.

Moving Around

Day 51

We had a Relief Society activity of helping a sister move from one apartment to another across town. We had 9 show up, and were able to persuade 3 elders to come help us out with a couple of the big pieces of furniture. (It helped that one was dating one of the sisters and another was a spouse of a sister--and the branch president.) I had a blast. I think everyone did. Every time we passed one another we were smiling and full of energy and life. I made sure to take it easy on my right arm (which is still being brought back up to its regular strength), but I was managing plenty of boxes, and numerous stairs.

What a workout! And what a joy to have fun with the sisters in a needed and appreciated service.

The Lesson Today

Day 38

I love a lesson gone well. A subject I like, but am worried how it will come across. And yet there is energy and enthusiasm from the class members, and definite connection between students and teacher. Answers are at the ready--and given! People willing to participate. Experiences shared.

Ah, yes. It was a good lesson. As ever, an immense thank you to who the true Teacher was, and through what means He brought it all about.

However, I do wish my heart wouldn't beat so fast when I finish! I don't get nervous teaching Relief Society. But I noticed today that I get a slightly heightened stress when I turn it all over to the Spirit and have no clue what I am going to say, or even the direction that I will end up going! It is exhilarating, and always a testimony builder of the Spirit being the best teacher and how the Lord truly won't leave you without aid if you have prepared. But it can still be a squeak of a heart-pumper.

What did you gain from the lessons in Church today?

The Influence of Women in the Home

"Too frequently, women underestimate their influence for good. Well could you follow the formula given by the Lord: 'Establish a house, even a house of prayer, a house of fasting, a house of faith, a house of learning, a house of glory, a house of order, a house of God' (D&C 88:119).

"In such a house will be found happy, smiling children who have been taught, by precept and example, the truth. In a Latter-day Saint home, children are not simply tolerated, but welcomed; not commanded, but encouraged; not driven, but guided; not neglected, but loved."

Thomas S. Monson, "The Spirit of Relief Society," Ensign May 1992, 101-102

I hope someday (and someday soon!) to do my best in this aspect of being a Daughter of God.

Spiritual Uplift

Sometimes going to things for Church can be so hard. Why? Because I cannot contain all of the Spirit that I'm feeling. It literally overflows and hate having any of it escape! Tonight was yet another wonderful meeting. 

I felt lifted by the General Relief Society Presidency's messages. Especially Sister Allred's talk. It was about temples and it was a talk members everywhere need to hear! Her story which she shared at the beginning is exactly why I get furious with anyone who complains about what it takes to get to the temple. I quote the movie Amazing Grace: "No distance would be too great" and further add "No sacrifice would be too great." There are too many members who need to get their priorities straight. In other words, Savior first; self, last. And the Savior has asked us to attend the temple as often as we can--no matter what! I'm sorry. I will never be able to understand or accept the complaints of others or lack of action whenever the temple is concerned. 

Well, the R.S. Presidency's words and messages are always empowering and comforting and great to hear. But it's when one of the brethren gives these messages that the effect is triple fold for me. See: the power and influence a righteous, Priesthood-holding man can have is very strong...at least in my life. President Uchtdorf gave such a fantastic talk that I cannot wait to have the printed version in hand. So, so good. Absolutely powerful. I knew September was one of the best months ever. Just look at what wonderful spiritual additions to my life have come in the last 4 weeks. CES Fireside aside, September boasts the wonderful R.S. broadcast. I always did consider it one of my birthday presents.

If you can listen to tonight's broadcast, I highly recommend it. Particularly President Uchtdorf's talk. Amazing.