Thursday, March 26, 2015
Gospel Message Day 183
A pause in my current topic for a message. I've had experiences like this before. But they are never easy, and there's always more to learn in them. Most especially learning and building faith and trust--in myself as well as in my Heavenly Father and in my Savior.
I've been excited for over 4 months. I learned that a nearby city was doing Beauty and the Beast for their summer musical. B&tB has been an absolute favorite since I was 17 and first heard the soundtrack. I remember how grown-up I felt the night my friend and I couldn't go to another friend's musical (this was my first adventure of driving NOT to work or church). So, we went to the mall. And I bought my very own cassette tape of the B&tB soundtrack. Totally in love with it from the very beginning. Belle became a dream role, probably had been before I ever heard the soundtrack but going back to when I heard a fellow EFY Talent Show performer sing one of Belle's solos when I was 15.
There has never been a chance for me to participate before. So hearing of this production sent me into quite the ecstatic state. I was checking every week and then every day to sign up for my audition time. I harrowed over my solo choice for over a month. Of course, I would give anything to be Belle. But I live in Utah--it will likely never happen with the much better talent around me. But still--this is a musical that any role or any part on the chorus would be amazingly awesome to be a part of. I would have been happy to be any part of it. And was willing to sacrifice quite a bit for this chance.
But things have come up. And I started to wonder deep down if that, even though I could make all the sacrifices needed, perhaps I shouldn't. It took me a couple of weeks, but I finally realized I needed to turn this matter over to prayer. Because I wasn't sure if the deep down was a prompting that I just didn't want to hear. I needed guidance, and I was ready to be open to what answer the Lord had of what He thought might be best.
I've been praying over it for a week or so. This morning I received my answer. Or rather, I finally listened to that deep down feeling, brought the decision to the Lord, and felt the confirming feeling. There was my answer. It's not the answer I wanted, but it's what I got. If there's one thing I've learned in Institute class in the last year, it is to trust God because He always knows best. And often what seems like something terrible or sad could lead to something we couldn't have seen before and wouldn't have if we hadn't followed His guidance. I may always miss that I didn't get this opportunity, but I do look forward to one day seeing what Father has in mind for me.