Because I Have Today

Day 113

Aside from my tri-weekly visit, today was spent with no plans. Last night and all day I kept feeling like I should make plans. That somehow that would make me feel more productive. But the headache, my exhaustion (and the 3 or 4 times I felt I was nodding off while driving home), and the annoyance of craving so much chocolate in the last 2.5 months reminded me over and again that not running about with plans up to the sky might be a good thing. At least for a day.

So, I let the day go as it wanted to. That's a rarity for me, and one I don't think I could easily get used to. But it was nice for a change. And where the day went was simple, easy, and a little indulgent. I went to the word games website I only go to once every 2 or 3 years because of how addicted I get to it. (Seriously--over two hours tonight and I'm craving more!) I cooked easy (yet delicious) meals. I finished the wonderful "Lark Rise" series. And among those last 3 episodes I had episodes of my own of crocheting and...napping. Then I ventured below into the entire, huge, empty house that I had all to myself. This allowed me to put on the wonderful Slipper & the Rose and laugh as heartily as I wished, and sing at the top of my lungs.

But the biggest and most telling thing of all was probably the sink-load of dishes I put in to soak...and did not wash. It put me in mind of the chorus of the title song of Hilary Weeks' CD "If I Only Had Today." I love her music. This song immediately became a great favorite of mine when I first heard it last year at Time Out for Women.

It seems like I've watched a million sunsets

And stared at a thousand full moons.

Sometimes it feels like I've been here forever.

And sometimes it all feels brand new.

I could never count the heartbeats

From the day I was born until now.

But not a single one goes unnoticed

By Him who breathes life in me somehow.

But if there were no more tomorrows,

If I knew that I could not stay,

I know how I'd spend every minute

If I only had today.

I'd hold you and listen

And I'd let the dishes sit in the sink.

I'd tell you I love you over and over

And for once I'd just let the phone ring.

Then I'd remind you of forever

And how our love would never change.

If I only had today.

I'd wake up before the sun did

And I'd watch as you quietly sleep.

I'd pray for time to move slowly

Knowing the moment won't keep.

All the gifts that heaven has given,

Every blessing that's come my way,

Wouldn't mean anything without you.

So, if I only had today,

I'd hold you and listen.

I'd memorize every detail of your face.

I'd tell you I love you over and over--

I wouldn't let excuses get in the way.

Then I'd remind you of forever

And how our love would never change.

If I only had today.

There's no time like the present.

Life doesn't come with any guarantees.

The sun will set.

Time won't wait.

So, while I have today,

I'll hold you and listen.

I'll let the dishes sit in the sink.

I'll tell you I love you over and over.

For once I'll just let the phone ring.

Then I'll remind you of forever

How our love will never change.

Because I have today.

Because I have today.

So, I guess, because I did have today, I was just reminding myself that I really do love me--and remembering that the Lord loves me, too.