I can bear it

Day 89

In my lifestyle (food, exercise, goals, etc) changing, I've reached the last step/strategy of whatever stage I'm on. And it was interesting that this step was about emotional eating. If you've been reading my 2010 Joy and Gratitude Every Day, you may have noticed a bit of that on my part. :-) I have. It's so obvious--all of that chocolate! Of course, with me, "chocolate" means "chocolate-flavored items." Typically. And that's what it has been over the last 2 months. So I was gratefull that this strategy talked about emotional eating because I have known that even though it hasn't been extremely detrimental or knocked me off of my goals and changes, it recently has played a big part of my life.

I've had various thoughts about things going on in my life--the things triggering the stress. Yet I haven't set too much thought to them because I've been too busy to. But the strategy talked about addressing the issues. It said:

The root of emotional eating often lies in bigger picture questions. Are you going through a stressful period at work, at home, with your marriage, or in some other way? Have you had a recent failure that is crushing your self-esteem? Are you unhappy with your day-to-day life? Have you gone through a traumatic experience, such as a death, divorce, bankruptcy or layoff?

There may be plenty of wonderful things happening to me every day, but I still have my moments. It is not sunny every minute of my life. Rain still comes. And sometimes it comes in torrential thunderstorms. But thankfully at this present time in my life I've been more easily able to find the silver linings of the thunderclouds and learned to dance in the rain (and around the lightning!) until the sun decides to peek back out.

So I thought for this slightly more personal post, I would mention a few of the difficult things I have been facing, and then pull out the Joy & Gratitude part at the end. Part of the reason being so that I can admit, face, and work out some of the issues. And maybe part of it to help any readers who are going through a hard time. I know what it's like to feel like you're suffocating from your trials and will never make it back up for air. Which is why in my current blessing of immense peace and happiness, I want to help others find snatches of air until they can make it completely out and take the deep, calm, wonderful breaths for themselves.

Are you going through a stressful period at work, at home, with your marriage, or in some other way?

Ha ha ha--did you really just ask that? That was my first thought when I read the strategy. And it's funny that when I step back, I realize how even more stressed I am!

at work - yep! That's a definite. But as I've mentioned more than once here, it is a happy stress. It is quite fulfilling to do what I do in my new job, and I see my efforts come to happy fruition right in front of my eyes. The worries I started out with are slowly ebbing away, and the various things I'm nervous about in the near/distant/unknown future I know I will be able to work through as they come. I am surrounded by smiles when I work, and I find it so easy to smile myself. I never run out of things to do. I never get bored. I never start to fall asleep in my tasks. And my co-workers have easily accepted that I'm just a little on the crazy side and whole-heartedly accept me for my silly giddiness, constant talking to myself, and occasional visits from a stuffed turtle or smiles at a puppet elephant.

at church - you bet! Trying to fill responsibilities of my own, trying to make up for the responsibilities others are not filling but which need to be filled or there is much suffering, trying to improve my social relations with ward members, trying to attend tmy many meetings, and, well, pretty much trying to do what I'm supposed to do. I don't really mind doing what I'm supposed to be doing. But even the general duties bring a general stress, and it can be very wearing upon me. I'm grateful the Lord always supports me in what I have to do.

in marriage/relationships - ohhhhh yes. I never thought so many sorrows and hardships could come in so many different ways in one particular area. But they can. And such sorrows and hardships bring--of course--stress.

at home - mm-hmm! The tiny things that I've learned to put up with over the last year+ are really not that bad. As long as I have someone to vent to, they rarely bother me. It's the having to pack all my belongings (again!) and move (again!) to a new place while all of this other stress is occurring in my life. And mentally trying to work out how to arrange all of this financially so that the financial stress stays low and all of the progress I've made over the last 18 months will not regress or stagnate.

Have you gone through a traumatic experience, such as a death, divorce, bankruptcy or layoff?

Well, all right. Nothing like that which is mentioned. And what I am going through might not seem traumatic to some. But it is for me. Wouldn't you consider it traumatic when your entire life's plans are taken from you and every day is nothing as you expected or had hoped for or would wish for now? So you learn how to live each new day. And you are wary of ever making plans again. And you sometimes despair of having dreams fulfilled. And you endure the suffocating loneliness. And you get by without any hugs. And you try to find ways to have a fulfilling life when it feels the measure of your creation and point of your existence is falling very short of the mark. And you accept the terrible losses. Yes. I may not have suffered a death in the normal sense. But every year, I lose another child. And those are extremely hard losses for me. Some times, they seem unbearable.

And yet, I do bear them. I bear all of them. The trials, the sorrows, the heartaches, the stresses. But I am only able to bear them because I have a Savior who bore them for me. He suffered these things, so He knows how to succor me. He knows how to comfort me, and lift me, and bring me peace and joy. And He not only knows it, but He does it.

Are you unhappy with your day-to-day life?

Absolutely not. Because I have a Savior--my one true friend who is always and will always be there for me. And He makes my day-to-day life wonderfully splendid!