Pause for Institute Reflections
We covered Elder Holland's recent Conference talk--the one with the fabulous story that I got to hear in-person, and was immediately affected by.
Tonight, we broke down that story and discussed the parallels of it to our relationship with the Savior.
These are the ways Sister A. broke down the story:
*there was no way to lift himself
*his muscles began to cramp
*Panic started to sweep over him, and he began to fear
*he might, by his considerable arm strength, pull himself to safety
*I said my last prayer...then I leapt.
*I felt nothing but loose sand on flat stone
*there with nothing to hold on to...my fingers begin to recede slowly
*then suddenly...two hands shot out
*My faithful little brother had not gone...he had never moved an inch.
*He had simply waited—silently
*knowing full well I would be foolish
*he grabbed me, held me, and refused to let me fall.
As we began, I decided to go through the lesson with my recent trial in mind to see how I have been and could apply what we discussed. Now, my trial is not just one specific area of my life. It's rather a conglomeration of things right now, each one affecting another. I would love to go into detail, but as I link these posts to my Facebook page and several people who are involved in this personal trial of mine are my friends on Facebook, I don't want to give specifics for fear of "incriminating" them or hurting them. All that needs to be said is that it has slowly been building on to itself, it has brought tears in private and in public (which really says something in my case), it has left me frustrated and feeling hopeless.
As we discussed the parts of the story, I could agree with every thing as it pertained to this current trial. I especially have felt the emotional muscles cramping; I've had panic steadily rising over the last few years; I have prayed much and finally leapt (more than once, actually); and I feel that right now, I'm slowly receding on loose sand. I have not moved beyond that part in this trial, and yet I know that the rest will assuredly come about in the Lord's due time.
How? Because I've seen it happen over and over in my life already: When I was the Zombie (as mentioned recently in a post on the Atonement). When I was in My Darkest Days while in VA (entries abound in this blog during that time). When I was spiritually battered in the first few months of DE Part 2 and felt so alone with no friends in that new place. When I was part of The Fight in 5th grade that left me losing the best friend I had and leaving me for a time with no friends whatsoever. When I endured a very emotional college sophomore semester that left me feeling drained and hopeless. When I suffered nervous breakdowns in my Freshman and Senior years of college. When my best friend--the man I wanted to marry--didn't want to marry me. I have made it through these and so much more, exactly as the story parallels.
I know my Savior has not gone. He's there, waiting silently. Waiting for me to continue making the decisions I need to and even do some more leaping. And at some point, after I've given my absolute very all and cannot hang there anymore, he will grab my hands, hold on with all His strength, and pull me to safety. I am not dangling helplessly and alone. I know I will make it through this.
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