Emergency Pollyanna Session

There are just those unexplainable days when all is great with your world, and yet the icky stuff wants to crowd it all out. For me, it is often the physical and emotional icky stuff. And while how one reached that point sometimes feels unexplainable, the reason behind it is not. The adversary is determined, especially in women, to undermine us. To make us feel unworthy, ugly, unwanted, unloved, unloveable, useless, undeserving. So many icky "u" words. And yet there is one good "u" word--understanding. Which we get from the Savior.

Today I feel especially ugly and unwanted and unloveable. At my core, I know my Savior understands. I know He wants to reach out and hold me until I not only believe in His love, but feel it as well. Usually in this life, that extension of His love has to come from other sources. The greatest lesson I have learned in my many single years is learning and finding ways to feel His love and find peace, joy, reassurance, and happiness in and from that love.

The best way I have found for me is to turn into Pollyanna (which frequent readers of this blog can attest to). And if there is a day for being Pollyanna, it is today. And not just any Pollyanna. A grateful Pollyanna.

*While I may be feeling absolutely awful, I can be glad because these feelings help me turn to remembering things that I have felt and thought in the temple--especially in recent days. I can remember that even if I do not like what I'm seeing in the mirror today, the Lord does so long as I'm doing my part to be obedient.
*I also know that even though I am having an I-Feel-Ugly day, it won't last forever. I can testify that these days pass. They always have. This one will, too. I've just got to keep pressing forward.
*I'm not in a pit right now. I've been in those. I've simply tripped and scraped myself up a bit. It will not be too long before I've brushed myself off. And stood up again. And kept going on my road of life. And soon the scrapes and bruises will be healed and I'll be dancing and twirling along my road again.
*Not that it's nice to be experiencing this right now, but it's nice to know that I'm still alive and still being tested. That I've got things to learn from this low time and that the Lord knows me enough--that I can make it through this, and loves me enough--that He won't let me go through this alone.
*I may be looking in the mirror and seeing all the flaws. The peeling skin. The red, burning patches. All the scars. The horribly frizzy hair streaked every day with more and more white and gray. But at least I have a face! Not that there are many people out in the world who don't have one. I mean, I have
-two working eyes
-two working ears
-a mouth that can eat (always a plus), speak, and especially sing
-a smile that will come back very soon I'm sure.
-Hair! Even in its shortened state, I still have it. And so many others do not. Rather the frizzy brown-white-gray mess than nothing at all!
-the psoriasis is still fairly contained after these 17 years, so it's not as bad or as painful as others' cases.
-Make-up. It really can do wonders.

And there are so many other things that the Lord is sending my way to help me feel His love even more.
*Just now I was listening to today's broadcast of Music and the Spoken Word. And MoTab sang one of my favorite songs from our recent Sterling Singers Christmas concert. And it was beautiful. And in that song I know the Lord was trying to tell me, "Remember Me. I love you."
(Here is a recording of the song by another choir, with the composer accompanying on piano. So, so beautiful.)

*I have my iPod full of my music. Music that always uplifts me. The Sunday playlist especially.
*Not the fondest of 1pm church time, but I do get quite a lot done in the mornings--getting all the stuff read for the lessons, and working on my calling. Having time to commune with the Spirit, to feel closer to my Savior on this His day.
*I got to dance last night. With many partners--some who were very good and put up with all my mistakes.
*I had some fabulous food yesterday and started the day off with a tropical shake--fresh coconut, fresh pineapple, fresh mango, fresh strawberries, and a vanilla bean. And I've still got plenty of food to last me for days.
*The Lamb of God solo auditions yesterday. I don't think I will be chosen for a part, because there were so many amazing people who auditioned, but it was such a lovely experience listening to all of those beautiful, talented voices singing some amazing music.
*Only having to work 3 hours yesterday. Saturday's are not my favorite days to work, so only having to do a portion of it was very nice.
*Rain! Any precipitation is great for us in the winter. I'll take it in whatever form, though rain is a lot easier for me to drive in. And means I didn't have to shovel my 90-foot driveway.
*My home. It still stands. It is in working order. It is an unexpected source of stability when I didn't think I would have that in my life right now.
*My health. So many getting sick around me, and I've gone more than a year without any cold, flu, or other ailment. It has been an even greater blessing for that because of all the added responsibilities I've had in the last year. I know my number is coming up soon, but I'm still grateful that right now I'm breathing free and full of energy.
*Clothes to wear. I might be getting tired of these clothes--some that I've had for 8 (or more) years. But I've got them. And they are in good condition. And they keep me warm and covered. And there are plenty of them. Plus I have the accessories of coats and things to keep me warm in the winter. And a few things to add some sparkle.
*Books. How can anyone be sad for long when there are books in the world?
*The Gospel. I know it, I live it, and I love it. But I also have it.
*My Savior and my Heavenly Father and the Spirit. All three are always there for me. An everlasting, underlying peace is always with me because of Them.

See? Already feeling better. Hold to these Pollyanna Positive Points, keep adding to them, and I shall pass through this very soon.