The Influence of Women in the Home

"Too frequently, women underestimate their influence for good. Well could you follow the formula given by the Lord: 'Establish a house, even a house of prayer, a house of fasting, a house of faith, a house of learning, a house of glory, a house of order, a house of God' (D&C 88:119).

"In such a house will be found happy, smiling children who have been taught, by precept and example, the truth. In a Latter-day Saint home, children are not simply tolerated, but welcomed; not commanded, but encouraged; not driven, but guided; not neglected, but loved."

Thomas S. Monson, "The Spirit of Relief Society," Ensign May 1992, 101-102

I hope someday (and someday soon!) to do my best in this aspect of being a Daughter of God.

A New Branch of Zion

[an update I wrote on the Tice Family Website]:

The Chesapeake YSA branch has now officially been organized. It was really exciting to be there for that and to raise my arm to the square to show my support. It has personally been a long road getting here in many ways. I'm glad I was able to help add to things by playing the piano for the meeting. The spirit was so very, very strong throughout. While I agree with how Dad feels about YSA branches where YSAs are not plentiful, I also have a personal witness that this branch is what the Lord wants. And it has come about by something Pres. Hinckley advised over a year ago.  

Our leadership is amazing. And though it is small, it is made up of young people who have such energy and enthusiasm for life and strong testimonies of the Gospel. They are quite young and I sense "YW days" in some things, but I loved being among the YW when I was in my early 20s and I don't think loving being around that silliness has changed. You cannot beat such love for the Gospel and willingness to do what the Lord asks. I know I'm only a few years older than them, but I can't help feeling like I'm turning around and looking at The Rising Generation. They truly are wonderful. I haven't any clue what the Lord has in mind, but I feel such excitement and wonder and joy with this new branch. These next few months will be so exciting and I'm so grateful that I chose for myself and will be part of it all.

"...the Standard of Truth has been erected; no unhallowed hand can stop the work from progressing; persecutions may rage, mobs may combine, armies may assemble, calumny may defame, but the truth of God will go forth boldly, nobly, and independent, till it has penetrated every continent, visited every clime, swept every country, and sounded in every ear, till the purposes of God shall be accomplished and the Great Jehovah shall say the work is done.” (-Joseph Smith)

Isn't it wonderful!!!

Spiritual Uplift

Sometimes going to things for Church can be so hard. Why? Because I cannot contain all of the Spirit that I'm feeling. It literally overflows and hate having any of it escape! Tonight was yet another wonderful meeting. 

I felt lifted by the General Relief Society Presidency's messages. Especially Sister Allred's talk. It was about temples and it was a talk members everywhere need to hear! Her story which she shared at the beginning is exactly why I get furious with anyone who complains about what it takes to get to the temple. I quote the movie Amazing Grace: "No distance would be too great" and further add "No sacrifice would be too great." There are too many members who need to get their priorities straight. In other words, Savior first; self, last. And the Savior has asked us to attend the temple as often as we can--no matter what! I'm sorry. I will never be able to understand or accept the complaints of others or lack of action whenever the temple is concerned. 

Well, the R.S. Presidency's words and messages are always empowering and comforting and great to hear. But it's when one of the brethren gives these messages that the effect is triple fold for me. See: the power and influence a righteous, Priesthood-holding man can have is very strong...at least in my life. President Uchtdorf gave such a fantastic talk that I cannot wait to have the printed version in hand. So, so good. Absolutely powerful. I knew September was one of the best months ever. Just look at what wonderful spiritual additions to my life have come in the last 4 weeks. CES Fireside aside, September boasts the wonderful R.S. broadcast. I always did consider it one of my birthday presents.

If you can listen to tonight's broadcast, I highly recommend it. Particularly President Uchtdorf's talk. Amazing.

Nauvoo People

'Characteristic of the Prophet, he renamed the place to meet his desires. Not what it was, but what, with the faith and work of man, the region might become--"Nauvoo, the City Beautiful" ' (William E. Berrett, The Restored Church, Salt Lake City: Deseret Book Co., 1965, p. 149)

Isn't this how we should see people as well? Who they might become--who the Lord sees that they can be? If we cannot see it, then we must pray that the spirit will either help us to see it or have faith in what we cannot see.

I'd Try if I Could!

"The best way to avoid divorce from an unfaithful, abusive, or unsupportive spouse is to avoid marriage to such a person. If you wish to marry well, inquire well. Associations through 'hanging out' or exchanging information on the Internet are not a sufficient basis for marriage. There should be dating, followed by careful and thoughtful and thorough courtship. There should be ample opportunities to experience the prospective spouse's behavior in a variety of circumstances. Fiances should learn everything they can about the families with whom they will soon be joined in marriage. In all of this, we should realize that a good marriage does not require a perfect man or a perfect woman. It only requires a man and a woman committed to strive together toward perfection. 

"President Spencer W. Kimball taught: 'Two individuals approaching the marriage altar must realize that to attain the happy marriage which they hope for they must know that marriage . . . means sacrifice, sharing, and even a reduction of some personal liberties. It means long, hard economizing. It means children who bring with them financial burdens, service burdens, care and worry burdens; but also it means the deepest and sweetest emotions of all' (Teachings of Presidents of the Church: Spencer W. Kimball [2006], 194)."

Dallin H. Oaks, "Divorce," Ensign, May 2007, 73

From One who Knows

[a forwarded email I received this evening]:

Received this from my friend _________,  on Sept 25, 2008

It's a letter sent to her friend from people in Texas who just experienced "Ike".  What a testimony for preparedness.

Dear Friends:
We have a 6'x6' hole in our roof, no electricity or running water, Trees down everywhere. However, because we listened to the counsel of our Prophet we are prepared. In fact it seems to me that it's only the members of the church who seem to be calm, prepared, and helping one another with trees in roofs, flooding, etc.

There is a POD or Point of Distribution in Tomball where we live. There you get water and ice IF you have enough fuel to wait in the 3-hour lines. We don't have to do that because we have 3 full water barrels, 75 juice bottles filled with water, and our pool, which is dirty, but we use it to flush.

It is very difficult to get gas. Police guard the stations when fuel is delivered and you might wait half a day to get up to the pump just to have them say, "Too bad, we are out".   I am grateful that we have a generator. We run it 4 hours a day to keep our fridge and light. I am grateful that we have had fuel for it. You can't even by gas containers as they are rationed. We can only by bread once a week and limited to 2 loaves at a time. Water is rationed by the case at the grocery store - 3 cases per family.

The ATM machines do not have power. For the past 6 months I have stashed small bills away because I have had such a feeling of foreboding. We have cash because of that. LISTEN TO THE SPIRIT. Get cash in small bills because the stores can't make change and credit and debit cards often don't work. I had to pay 5 dollars more for an item because they couldn't make change for me.  And . . . PHONES ONLY WORK OCCASIONALY.

Believe it or not...I have not had a bath in 4 days, Today was the first day I got to wash my hair with pool water. I haven't fixed my hair in a week!!! It just doesn't matter anymore.  We cannot do laundry because we don't have water. So, we wear our clothes until they are literally disgusting. When we do finally get water we will have to boil it since it is contaminated.

I am grateful for my parents. When we got low on generator fuel they drove 45 minutes to help us. They filled up their cans and brought us 10 gallons of fuel, which kept us going until this morning at 6:oo, am when we finally found some gas.

A prepared Family and a loving extended family is the key to survival and making it through right now. I know that my parents would drive to the end of the earth to help me and it's nice knowing they are there. I know that I would do the same for my children.

I want all of you to know that I have such a testimony of following the counsel of our living prophet. There really is safety and peace in your heart if you are prepared. Please get your generators, 5 gas cans full of gas, canned goods, baby items, baby wipes to bathe, and all the water you can store...even if you have to trip on it in your home. Have your lanterns, crank flashlights, tarps, rope, etc. ready to go because you never know when it will be your turn to endure the test. It's overwhelming, but it's going to be ok eventually. I have a home, I have food, and I have water, because I listened to the counsel of the prophet. Please make sure you do the same. It's time to have your life in order. Tomorrow may be too late.

Special Day

This day is special albeit bittersweet because 26 years ago (in about 1 hour and 13 minutes) I came into the world--to experience the glorious blessing of having a body and being on the road to salvation, as outlined in the Plan of Salvation (aka Plan of Happiness!). It is bitter and sad because I had to leave Heavenly Father's presence and enter a world full of sin and temptation and many things not of our Father. Yet it is sweet and wonderful because

1. There are plenty of things that are of our Father
2. I now had the opportunity to experience things I would never have had the chance in our premortal existence
3. I now had a chance to grow and to prove myself to Father
4. And to top it off, I would now get to do all of that while being placed into an amazing family and later being blessed to have marvelous friends to help me along

26 years of that. I'm not ever quite sure how I'm doing. Often I know I fall very far behind. I am greatly flawed and sadly lacking in so much. But many blessings have told me that Father is pleased with me. I hope to continue living and learning and growing so that He may always be pleased with me. And I know that if I do all I can and if I will follow my Savior and keep His commandments, He will reach over the distance, making up for what I could never accomplish on my own, and thus help me return to our Father--where I hope that I and my family (present and future) will be blessed with exaltation.

"Ought Not to Be"

This talk of Elder Holland's was one of those that I knew was completely meant for me. It was both a chastisement for a seriously terrible fault as well as a consolation to a wounded soul. This particular quote addresses a problem of mine which I always have to be mindful of and must work at annihilating from my life/personality/actions altogether.

"The sin of verbal abuse knows no gender. Wives, what of the unbridled tongue in your mouth, of the power for good or ill in your words? How is it that such a lovely voice which by divine nature is so angelic, so close to the veil, so instinctively gentle and inherently kind could ever in a turn be so shrill, so biting, so acrid and untamed? A woman's words can be more piercing than any dagger ever forged, and they can drive the people they love to retreat beyond a barrier more distant than anyone in the beginning of that exchange could ever have imagined. Sisters, there is no place in that magnificent spirit of yours for acerbic or abrasive expression of any kind, including gossip or backbiting or catty remarks. Let it never be said of our home or our ward or our neighborhood that 'the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity . . . [burning] among our members.' "

Jeffrey R. Holland, "The Tongue of Angels," Ensign, May 2007, 17

One Reason this Blog is Named What It Is

"Of course, we will face fear, experience ridicule, and meet opposition. Let us have the courage to defy the consensus, the courage to stand for principle. Courage, not compromise, brings the smile of God's approval. Courage becomes a living and an attractive virtue when it is regarded not only as a willingness to die manfully, but also as a determination to live decently. A moral coward is one who is afraid to do what he thinks is right because others will disapprove or laugh. Remember that all men have their fears, but those who face their fears with dignity have courage as well."

Thomas S. Monson, "The Call for Courage," Ensign, May 2004, 54-55.

Doctrine & Covenants 128: 22

A Most Special Day

[from today's entry in my online journal]:

Being a human calendar means my mind is full of dates--birthdays, anniversaries, holidays, and whatnot. But, being a human calendar means I get some things confused, or can't quite remember what a certain day is. Example: Yesterday I went the whole day knowing it was something. I knew something happened on the 21st. I knew it wasn't a birthday. I knew it wasn't the first day of fall. That's today! (Happy Autumn!!!!)

It wasn't until this morning when I read on our family website a posting from my mother. A hugely significant event in our family--and I couldn't remember! Well, I do now and thought I would share: It was my Dad's 40th Baptism Anniversary. (I could be a year off on that.) A most momentous occasion and one I cherish as much as my own Baptism Anniversary (18 years in a month!). Without the decision my father made, we 8 children and 16 grandchildren, well, who knows where we would be. And the countless lives my father has affected because of his testimony and service in the Church.... I know the Lord is pleased with my father and the life he works hard at to live.

He is a most amazing man. Beyond description! And still so human. Is it any wonder that I would want to marry a young man with similar qualities: Total focus and dedication to the Lord and His Gospel, firm testimony, active advocate of missionary work, a silly sense of humor, an immense love for his family, a constant concern for and service to his Father's children, and more. I'm glad he's my dad! :-) Though I could never say it enough, thank you for everything! I love you, Baba!

I do LOVE to see the temple!

I had a little ventation in my online journal this evening. While I love the temple and its work, I get very upset when members do not attend the temple. I will talk of temples more in future, I promise, but just wanted to share. I'm a normal person with normal emotions and feelings. And can't help a little sarcasm and humor, too. And if it happens to raise some questions about things, I'd love to answer! Please ask!

"I had a wonderful temple trip today! It was our Stake Temple Trip. Three or four distinct personal moments that meant a lot to me. Loved getting to do sealings with Kelli and Erin. Sorry I couldn't stay longer, gals! I hope you loved it! They're my favorite! Endowment session was very good, too. And who wouldn't want to sit in the Celestial Room for 45 minutes? 

"We got to meet in the Assembly Hall and the messages from the Temple Presidency and their wives were magnificent. Unfortunately, there were not as many of the stake that could have and should have been there. And people complain about not having a temple closer. If 3 hours ain't close enough for you to make some sort of sacrifice, then you don't deserve a temple that's closer!!!! Show the Lord you use what He has given you before you ask for more. Anyone seen the sealed part of the Book of Mormon lately? Yeah, I thought not.

"Sorry, 'k, that's out.. 

"So, a picture of the temple, because I can't help taking at least one every time I go! 

Just too beautiful! And the weather, of course, so incredibly beautiful. There is a reason I was born at my favorite time of year! And I must put in, an autumn in the east is drastically different from what the west calls "autumn." You just can't imagine how perfect today was."

Amen.

"Tribulations are frightening. And yet the Lord said: 'Be of good cheer, for I will lead you along. The kingdom is yours and the blessings thereof are yours, and the riches of eternity are yours." 'And he who receiveth all things with thankfulness shall be made glorious' (D&C 59:7).

"The kind of gratitude that receives even tribulations with thanksgiving requires a broken heart and a contrite spirit, humility to accept that which we cannot change, willingness to turn everything over to the Lord--even when we do not understand, thankfulness for hidden opportunities yet to be revealed. Then comes a sense of peace.

"When was the last time you thanked the Lord for a trial or tribulation? Adversity compels us to go to our knees; does gratitude for adversity do that as well?

"President David O. McKay observed, 'We find in the bitter chill of adversity the real test of our gratitude . . . , which . . . goes beneath the surface of life, whether sad or joyous' (Pathways to Happiness, comp. Llewelyn R. McKay [1957], 318)."

Bonnie D. Parkin, "Gratitude: A Path to Happiness," Ensign, May 2007, 35 36

"My Kindness Shall Not Depart from Thee"

[from today's entry from my personal online journal]:

So, last week's Fireside. They announced the closing song before Elder Holland spoke. My mind thought, "What?" With a title like that, I couldn't help questioning. You know, those songs that are just, a bunch of words that just don't come together well. And there is no uniformity to the music. So, I wondered. Then Elder Holland near the end of his talk mentioned something that would be in the song. My mind thought, "Oh, good, he had some knowledge of it. Can't be too bad." 

The song started. When they got to the last line of the first verse, my mind thought, "Oh my goodness! I've heard this before! Not just heard it--I played the piano part while someone was singing it." The problem with remembering a lot is that then I get "unsolved memories" and am not sure where they go or fit or anything. I knew the song had been many years ago. And as I was playing, I didn't pay much attention to the words. And I only played it that one time. I believe it was one of Miranda's and my many Singing Times in the CP lounge. And a song she owned and loved. Since I wasn't really listening to her part as much, the only thing that I remembered of the song, ironically, was what I was thinking at the beginning of the Fireside--a song with a bunch of words and no logical flow to the music.

Was I ever wrong. It does have a chorus, which is so touching to me. The rest of the song was also good. It was all just what I needed. And the text is based on some of my favorite scriptures (Doc & Cov 121-123), which were the basis of Elder Holland's talk. And now I own the choir and soloist recordings. I believe they will help me a lot during these next couple of weeks as I go through my "Decisions Dilemma." Music video coming you way. But until then, here are the lyrics. I hope they can speak to you as they do to me. Music truly is "A Great and Glorious Gift from God."

My Kindness Shall Not Depart From Thee

Text and Music by Rob Gardner

For a little while 

Have I forsaken thee; 

But with great mercies will I gather thee. 

In a little wrath I hid my face from thee 

For a moment. 

But with everlasting kindness will I gather thee, 

And with mercy will I take thee ‘neath my wings, 

For the mountains shall depart, 

And the hills shall be removed, 

And the valleys shall be lost beneath the sea, 

But know, my child, 

My kindness shall not depart from thee! 

Though thine afflictions seem 

At times too great to bear, 

I know thine every thought and every care. 

And though the very jaws 

Of hell gape after thee I am with thee. 

And with everlasting mercy will I succor thee, 

And with healing will I take thee ‘neath my wings. 

Though the mountains shall depart, 

And the hills shall be removed, 

And the valleys shall be lost beneath the sea, 

Know, my child, 

My kindness shall not depart from thee! 

How long can rolling waters 

Remain impure? 

What pow'r shall stay the hand of God? 

The Son of Man hath descended below all things. 

Art thou greater than He? 

So hold on thy way, 

For I shall be with thee. 

And mine angels shall encircle thee. 

Doubt not what thou knowest, 

Fear not man, for he 

Cannot hurt thee. 

And with everlasting kindness will I succor thee, 

And with mercy will I take thee ‘neath my wings. 

For the mountains shall depart, 

And the hills shall be removed, 

And the valleys shall be lost beneath the sea, 

But know, my child, 

My kindness shall not depart from thee!

P.S. 10:30pm--Oh goodness! It's on YouTube.. Elder Holland's tender, beautiful closing and then the song. Must post!

Never Alone

Seriously, there are little minions out there who watch for any time I start to find happiness and come swarming in to beat me down. Well, that's how it feels any way. Tonight was especially bad. Ever notice how prolonged crying just leaves you completely spent and exhausted? But then, it's a perfect state of being for the Spirit to flow in and through with his  peace and/or comfort. Sometimes it's one. Sometimes it's both. I am no where near peace right now. But I am being comforted. I just need someone to hold me. I need the Savior to send me someone who can physically hold me. Keep me from feeling so absolutely alone and misunderstood. But then I just have to squelch that temporal need and remember the spiritual truth that the Savior will never leave me alone. And He understands. 

"He knows your heart. He knows your pain. He knows the strength it took just to simply breathe today....He knows your soul is aching....He knew there'd be moments when no earthly words could take away your sorrow and no human eyes can see what you're going through. When you've taken your last step and done all that you can do, He will lift your heavy load and carry you." 

I testify of this, for it has happened many times with me. The Savior does not abandon me even when the world and those around me do.

Making My Voice Heard in One Small Way...and searching for others

This is definitely something I am concerned about. Something I think we all need to take a stand on and let our voices be heard--even though many of us will not be part of the votes that matter. We do all need to be ready if the stench and billowing of that wave begins to move across the country. For more on what LDS believe concerning marriage, please please read the Proclamtion to the World: The Family (link on the left).

[quoted directly from my friend Wendy's blog]

Yes To Proposition 8

The California Supreme Court recently ruled that same-sex marriage was legal in California. Recognizing the importance of marriage to society, the LDS Church accepted an invitation to participate in ProtectMarriage, a coalition of churches, organizations, and individuals sponsoring a November ballot measure, Proposition 8, that would amend the California state constitution to ensure that only a marriage between a man and a woman would be legally recognized. (Information about the coalition can be found at http://www.protectmarriage.com/).

What are the six consequences if Proposition 8 Fails?

1. Children in public schools will be taught that both traditional marriage and same-sex marriage are okay. The California Education Code already requires that health education classes instruct children about marriage. (§51890) Therefore, if the definition of marriage is changed, children will be taught that marriage is a relation between any two adults. There will be serious clashes between the secular school system and the right of parents to teach their children their own values and beliefs.

2. Churches will be sued if they refuse to allow same-sex marriage ceremonies in their religious buildings that are open to the public. Ask whether your pastor, priest, minister, bishop, or rabbi is ready to perform such marriages in your chapels and sanctuaries.

3. Religious adoption agencies will be challenged by government agencies to give up their long-held right to place children only in homes with both a mother and a father. Catholic Charities in Boston has put an end to its adoption work, deciding to abandon its founding mission, rather than comply with state law requiring that gays be allowed to adopt children. (Boston.com)

4. Religions that sponsor private schools and which provide housing for married students will be required to provide housing for same-sex couples, even if it runs counter to church doctrine or lose tax exemptions and benefits.

5. Ministers who preach against same-sex marriages will be sued for hate speech and could be fined by the government. It has already happened in Canada, one of six countries that have legalized gay marriage.

6. It will cost you money. A change in the definition of marriage will bring a cascade of lawsuits. Even if courts eventually find in favor of a defender of traditional marriage (highly improbable given today’s activist judges), think of the money – your money, your church contributions – that will have to be spent on legal fees. And think of all the unintended consequences that we cannot even foresee at this time. Where will it end? It’s your children, your grandchildren, your money, and your liberties. Lets work together to protect them.

I believe this was written by Elder Larry Lawrence (currently serving as an Area Seventy in California). You can also read the LDS church article The Divine Institution of Marriage on the Newsroom website, the official resource for news media for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

Oh....

If I wasn't already a little low and close to crying, this has about sent me over the edge. How sweet. How tender. And yet another thing I would like in my life.

"We who bear the holy priesthood have a sacred duty to honor our sisters. We are old enough and wise enough to know that teasing is wrong. We respect sisters--not only in our immediate families but all the wonderful sisters in our lives. As daughters of God, their potential is divine. Without them, eternal life would be impossible. Our high regard for them should spring from our love of God and from an awareness of their lofty purpose in His great eternal plan."

Russell M. Nelson, "Our Sacred Duty to Honor Women," Ensign, May 1999, 39

Sing, Sing a Song--Make it Simple to Last Your Whole Life Long

May I just say, I almost stood up during Conference to cheer when Elder Jensen spoke on this topic. The music in church sadly gets so neglected or ignored or passed over too much. This was something I'd always noticed growing up, as it was particularly important to me but not-so with the majority of others. But with my callings of the last 8 months, I notice it even more. Although I have noticed it has been thought of enough to have people complain and accuse me of what I try to do to add to Church with what music has to offer. Oh well. At least Heavenly Father, my Savior, and the Branch Presidency appreciate my efforts.

"The hymns of the Restoration carry with them the spirit of conversion. They came as a result of sacrifice . . . [and] reinforce the great truths of the Restoration--such as the divinity of the Father and the Son, the plan of redemption, revelation, latter day scriptures, the gathering of Israel, the holy priesthood, and the ordinances and covenants. These nourishing hymns create an atmosphere that invites the Spirit, which leads us to conversion."

Jay E. Jensen, "The Nourishing Power of Hymns," Ensign, May 2007, 12

The Irony

This devotional was given only two days before the world changed. My world changed. And yet the Lord's prophet of all the world believed this of me, and the rest of my generation. How could I not press on? "Courage...and on, on to victory!"

"The world is full of naysayers who think that people your age have lost their way. I disagree. Let me say that I am very proud of you. I think you are the finest generation this Church has ever produced. Because of you, I have no fear concerning the future. You are ambitious. You are trustworthy. You are loyal to the Church and its principles. You have great confidence in one another. You work together with love and appreciation and respect one for another. You are faithful, and you are true."

Gordon B. Hinckley, "Be Not Afraid, Only Believe," CES Fireside for Young Adults, Sept. 9, 2001

Pressing Forward...in ALL things

[from my online journal, today's entry]

Something funny came to mind to me this morning. Well, funny to my odd mind, any how. It is related to last night's entry, and came about because of something in a conversation I was having last night. So, I've had a thing for carrots since I was, oh, 15 or so. Not necessarily the food itself, although I had no problem eating them. They were good. They were healthy. They were food.

No, my thing came from reading a chapter in an EFY book or some other LDS Youth self-help/inspirational book. I had lots of those on hand and I devoured them from the ages of 14 through 18. (Still some on my parents' bookshelves that I didn't get, too.) My memory has the story as being directed to young women. It was an encouragement analogy for those of us girls who do everything we can to live right and be happy and come across as attractive to others. In other words, who see the guys always going for "the other girls" and never even noticing that we're standing there.

Now, I'm not playing woe-is-me here. This was my life as a teenager--excluding those annoying/creepy boys who follow you around all the time like a puppy because you were nice and said "Hello!" to them. One time I was talking to my friend Bethany at a dance when a slow song came up. Guys were always "after" her. This time, two guys came literally running up to her to ask her to dance. She had to choose. So she chose and went on to the dance floor. Now, I had thought that common courtesy at least would have the other young man ask the other young woman who is also standing there. Nope. He walked away without even looking at me. A young man in my ward whom I'd had a quiet crush on for over 2 years squashed that crush when, at the end of my very first dance, joined his slow dance partner in pointing at me to laugh because I was not asked to dance all night. My first date was "A Pity Date" to Prom (which I had no real desire to attend) because the Bishop and YW Pres.'s son knew no one would ask me.

It can be depressing. And at times, it really was. It felt even worse at BYU. Both times. But I had the analogy to hold on to. The person (perhaps Wilcox?) said that we girls were carrots. But the boys were in the market for lettuce. It didn't matter that we were a more appetizing color, that we held more value, or anything. They wanted lettuce. But some day, a young man (or men, I suppose) would be in the market for a carrot. And it didn't matter how good the lettuce looked--even if it had just been sprayed with the little mist. He wanted a carrot, and there you would be. I loved the analogy. Beyond belief. I still do. I always think "Be a carrot."

A year later, there was a Standards Activity for the Stake Young Women. I remember the YW President talking about modesty. She was using an analogy that involved, hah!, carrots...of all things. It was something like a carrot holds all of its goodness inside, and does not need to flaunt itself to have others notice is and want it. Not like the rich, gooey ice cream sundaes that walked around and said, "Look how yummy and wonderful I am--but you can't have me!" Another reason to be a carrot. Modest in dress, modest in personality. And the worthwhile and worthy young man eventually would ignore the ice cream sundaes and see the carrot for its value and worth.

Well, a few years later in Book of Mormon class at BYU, I was able to see another good thing about being a carrot. He quoted Alma 62:41 with "many had become hardened...and many were softened because of their afflictions, insomuch that they did humble themselves before God, even in the depth of humility." He then said, "Eggs get hard in boiling water, but carrots get soft. Be a carrot." Perfect. Absolutely perfect. I loved it, and was even more proud that I had a thing for carrots.

But I've had thoughts in the last year or so. Some a bit facetious, but with still a serious under-current. Last year I got food poisoning in the summer, right when I was trying to finish final projects for the term. And from what? Carrots. Yeah. I know. I had never really thought before of carrots going bad. Probably because I'd always seen them eaten before that point. And carrots can last a long time. But now I knew that they could go bad.

And, you know, I've been watching the lettuce get taken time after time. I don't want to be lettuce. I don't want to change who I am just so I'm like all the others. I want someone who wants a carrot. But this carrot is tired of waiting. And if real carrots can spoil and not be good for others, then, well.... I know. I'm silly. But I'm just being honest. Doubt enters my head more and easily than it ever did in my teenage years. I wonder if any young men out there really do like carrots. At least, this carrot.

But then I just need to push that aside. So many inspirational things from the scriptures and Church leaders to help me keep pressing forward, though hard as it may be. One of them being a scripture that I recently came to love and which Elder Holland also quoted on Sunday.

"Therefore, dearly beloved [carrot sisters], let us cheerfully do all things that lie in our power; and then may we stand still, with the utmost assurance, to see the salvation of God, and for his arm to be revealed."

-Doctrine and Covenants 123: 17

A Great Way to Look at It

"Luke chapter 17 records the experience of the Savior when He healed 10 lepers. As you recall, only one of the cleansed lepers returned to express his appreciation. Isn't it interesting that the Lord did not say, 'Your gratitude has made you whole'? Instead, He said, 'Thy faith hath made thee whole' (Luke 17:19).

"The leper's expression of gratitude was recognized by the Savior as an expression of his faith. As we pray and express gratitude to a loving but unseen Heavenly Father, we are also expressing our faith in Him. Gratitude is our sweet acknowledgment of the Lord's hand in our lives; it is an expression of our faith."

Bonnie D. Parkin, "Gratitude: A Path to Happiness," Ensign, May 2007, 35

Prayers

Right now in my life I am going through some trials. Not a lot. Just some. And I think one reason is to help me to improve my prayers and make them more meaningful. Prayer is such a vast topic, for it is one of the parts to communicating with our Father in Heaven. When there is a need, or we have a desire, or we want to express gratitude, or we want to help others, or...so much more. When we need answers. When we need comfort. When we just need guidance. When we need inspiration. It is a powerful part of our lives and we do not get far (if any distance) without it.

So much is going on with me working through what I am now, and I feel daily growth from it. It is amazing. Today I was thinking about another time in my life when prayer played such a vital role in the direction of my life. I thought I would share just a little of that. It was during the 7-8 months that I often refer to as "My Mission Decision." I was ending my spring term at BYU. I had just the summer term and fall semester left before graduating. At the beginning of the fall semester, I was to turn 21--the age when sisters are now allowed to serve missions. Mission papers can go in 3 months before the birthday, and that is when My Mission Decision began.

It was an on-going part of my life during those months and is still a question I periodically pray over. But there were 3 very significant times when I broached the question to Heavenly Father and to which I received 3 answers. All 3 answers were the same: I was not to serve a mission. Growing up in a very mission-minded home and having planned all my life to serve one, this was and still is a very painful answer. But I have come to learn, see, and know various reasons as to why it is not a blessing in my life at this time. Another thing I learned was that though the 3 answers were the same, they came about for different reasons.

The first time was that it was a matter of what I wanted. In all honesty, I did not want to serve. By which, I mean, that I had for years hoped to finish school before serving a mission--knowing that I would turn 21 close to my graduation. I was plowing through the then-hated schooling and felt that if I took a break, I would not have the heart, desire, or will to go back. Some asked "What is one semester?" But I knew me. And Heavenly Father knew me better. And He let my first decision be all mine. That was also a time in life when I felt "a stupor of thought" most prevalently. I wrestled with decisions for 2 weeks, and was never at peace. When I finally shamefully admitted (I was, after all, from the mission-minded family) that at that time I did not want to serve, I felt instant peace. Just like the kind we read about in Church History and the scriptures. It was amazing. And something I had to hold close to as many people doubted and questioned and accused me for my decision. I felt very alone at this time, and had to trust in my relationship with my Heavenly Father and in the personal revelation He had given me. Especially when my own parents seemed "against" me.

The second time came again right after I graduated. Christmas break at home. I had just completed one of the most trying periods of my life--in all respects. The one thing (for once!) that had not affected me that semester was my (non-)dating life. But classes, church calling, roommates...there is a reason I suddenly came down with a severe case of the flu, and caught a cold a few days later before fully recovering. That cold lasted for over a month. I was a miserable wretch. That mission decision was almost a "forced" one, as again it was people in my life pressuring me to do something, especially as I was now "done with school." That had been the initial obstacle I had presented for the last 5 months, since no one would just trust me and my answer from Heavenly Father.

The answer this time came so quickly--an immediate no. As I headed back to Utah for 5 more weeks before fully moving home, I knew it was because Heavenly Father didn't want me on a mission. What kind of a servant would I be when I was so down-trodden and beaten by everything? I was in a huge hole. I had work ahead of me to get out. I would have been useless to Heavenly Father if I had left at that time. Such a revelation hurt and made me work even harder at getting out of where I had gotten, and ensuring ever since that I do what I can to never fall into such a pit again. I've stumbled since, and encountered intense darkness, too. But nothing quite like that time. I believe that ever since I struggled out of that hole, that there has been nothing wrong with me personally to prevent me from serving Heavenly Father to my fullest and ablest self, and be as profitable as He would help me be.

So, what happened the third time? This was probably the one that hurt the most and was many, many months before I had a reason. I was very willing and very ready to serve. I was even filling out the papers. And because of the previous months during this time of life, I knew more than anything else that I was receiving a no answer. It made no sense to me. And this one was even harder to hold on to as the accusations and doubtings were more acute. It was another 8 months before certain events occurred in my life and I knew that my answer had been no this time because Heavenly Father had something else in mind for me.

We don't always learn the reasons for why we receive answers. I am grateful that I was blessed to learn them. They still sustain me when I receive the judgmental looks and remarks about not having served, yet. Now as I go through trying to make important, life-changing decisions again, it is helping me to remember that at that time in my life, the answers were made based on:

1.) What I wanted
2.) What Heavenly Father wanted/needed
3.) What Heavenly Father had in mind for me

Getting through hard times

[from my online journal, today's entry]:

...toughing it out. But I'm making it. The next few weeks are going to be rough, but it is a trial of my faith and I must work through it. I received a much-needed and much-appreciated blessing from the Branch President. How I miss my father and brothers at times like these. But I'm grateful for worthy Priesthood holders and I believe in that power from God. 

And Elder Holland's CES fireside was incredibly excellent and, as always, just what I needed to hear right now. I recommend it to all. When the archives are available, I'll add a link to it. A must-hear for everyone. I barely took any notes (I know--rare!) because I was so engrossed by the Spirit and his message. Again, I'm grateful for inspired Church leadership, and the Holy Ghost, and the Gospel, and the Atonement, and well, all of it. Not just grateful for it. But I testify that all of it is real, true, vital to life and exaltation.

When there's love at home

"Young men and women, you can be a great influence for good in your homes as you help to achieve worthy family objectives. I shall never forget the family home evening, years ago, in which the name of each member of our family was placed in a hat. The name you picked from the hat would be your 'secret friend' for the week. You can imagine the love that filled my heart when I came home that Tuesday after work to sweep out the garage, as I had earlier promised, and found it cleanly swept. There was a note attached to the garage door which read, 'Hope you had a good day--your secret friend.' And on Friday night, as I turned down my bed, I uncovered an Almond Joy, my favorite candy bar, wrapped carefully in scotch tape and plain white paper, with a note: 'Dad, I love you a lot! Thanks, your secret friend.' Then to top it off, after returning home from a late meeting Sunday evening, I found the dining room table beautifully set, and written on the napkin by my place were the words 'SUPER DAD' in big bold letters and in parentheses, 'your secret friend.' Hold your family home evenings, for this is where the gospel is taught, a testimony gained, and the family fortified."

W. Douglas Shumway, "Marriage and Family: Our Sacred Responsibility," Ensign, May 2004, 96

A Joyful Religion

"Enduring to the end is not just a matter of passively tolerating life's difficult circumstances or 'hanging in there.' Ours is an active religion, helping God's children along the strait and narrow path to develop their full potential during this life and return to Him one day. Viewed from this perspective, enduring to the end is exalting and glorious, not grim and gloomy. This is a joyful religion, one of hope, strength, and deliverance. 'Adam fell that men might be; and men are, that they might have joy' (2 Nephi 2:25).

"Enduring to the end is a process filling every minute of our life, every hour, every day, from sunrise to sunrise. It is accomplished through personal discipline following the commandments of God."

Dieter F. Uchtdorf, "Have We Not Reason to Rejoice?" Ensign, Nov. 2007, 20