Sharing

Day 59

Non-stop, busy day! One of those days that feels like you were at work for 2 hours because you were so involved you didn't realize time had passed. One of those days that you just cannot get away for lunch until your stomach absolutely insists and you squeeze in 15 minutes to eat (while still doing work). I like those days. Especially when you are so tired because you can't get a complete night's rest because of the brace on your sprained wrist, and you know you're fighting yet another illness. 

But what was even more nice was that because I had a morning meeting, my work shift was moved earlier so that I had the evening off. Which meant I was able to attend the much-anticipated Ward Talent Show! And let me tell you, nothing compares to Ward Talent Shows like a Young Single Adult Ward Talent Show. Especially out here in Utah (SO much better than the ones in the east). 

First, it had me thinking (and cringing) of all the talent shows I've participated in--both school and Church.

-My first debut: a duet with my sister at the Ward Talent Show. I was 8. We sang "Love is Spoken Here." My I remember rehearsing for that. And feeling like I would just never get it, considering my sister's voice and talent.

-Very shortly after my debut (as in a few minutes later), I had a 2nd performance. 5 of us kids singing "I Point to Myself."

-A YW in Excellence Talent Show-like activity had me singing a duet with my friend Amy. We sang "Because I Have Been Given Much."

-Possibly at the same YW thing, I sang "Angel Lullaby" as a solo. 

-Junior High Talent Show. I auditioned a duet in 7th grade. Elizabeth and I tried "Right Here Waiting." With a dance during the instrumental. We didn't make it. Still embarrassing to remember the audition. 

-Either the same year or the year following, I also auditioned for a dance solo. This was hugely monumental (for rarely does ANYONE see my interpretative dancing, as it is personal and sacred to me), and also hugely embarrassing for me. I offered my lack of talent to others. Something so very special to me. And it was not accepted. Probably what kept me from ever wanting to share that again. Too personal to me to handle the rejection. (And the fact that I know I'm not good.)

-9th grade. I finally made it. I sang a solo. "On My Own." I really don't know what people thought of it. I'm not even sure I remember what I think of it. I just know I sang it because I loved it. And it was long before I knew how cliche of a song it was.

-YW talent show (my last) saw me attempting "Moonlight Sonata" at the piano. I worked so hard in preparation for that one. It will never be a beautiful performance, but that song is a part of me.

-same, last YW talent show also had my solo of "To Bring Them to Thee."

-BYU Talent Shows (can't remember which ones where) saw me singing the duet "In His Eyes" twice, once with my good friend Miranda and once with my roommate Dawn. 

-As an adult, I actually participated in family Ward Talent Shows. Two of them. One was me singing "Someone Like You." And accompanying myself on it. Those two never go well together.

-The other. Oh. Eek. I have it on tape. And I'm still embarrassed and slightly humiliated about. But I had just seen "Wicked" and HAD to do something! So I sang "Popular."

And that's pretty much why I really didn't want to participate in any more talent shows. Not doing my "real" talents anyhow. They were just, well, too serious. People applauded the talent. But I think they were bored to death. And I'm so critical of myself. Talent shows were not the best medium for me. Singing at other functions deems much more room for lacking and mistakes (in my opinion). Thus, I was determined not to participate in another one again.

But happily, I had fun roommates who were clever and talented and full of enthusiasm. And though my part was pathetic, I got to take part in a humorous and popular talent--that was one of the most fun times I've ever had: The Collegiate Cook-Off Championship!

So it was enjoyable to have those memories. But I was also happy to stay safely in my seat and laugh at what I saw, and admire the more serious talents as well. Too bad the sound system was really off.

Thus, today I am grateful for reflection (and knowing that I have not hid my candle under a bushel even if they were painful experiences that still leave me embarrassed) as well as seeing others' abilities to sing, play, dance, and especially provide an enjoyable evening for the rest of us.

I'm Full

Day 58

I had a day full of spiritual messages to contemplate, ponder, ingest, and relish in. We had Ward Conference tonight. Our Sacrament speakers were the Bishop and Stake President. Sunday School was taught by a CES teacher and consequently a member of our stake presidency. Relief Society was taught by a member of the Stake Relief Society presidency (maybe even the president herself). And the stake fireside this evening was taught by the same counselor who taught Sunday School. Each message carried spiritual food for thought and growth. I especially liked the Fireside's message of obtaining "bags with no holes"(Haggai 1:6; Luke 12:33), who can fix our bags with holes, and how to either avoid bags with holes or how to (eternally) invest in bags with no holes. This brother is really good with object lessons, so I liked seeing what he used.

I also loved hearing the musical numbers in Sacrament, R.S., and the fireside. The first two had a few musically off moments. But as I could feel the Spirit through their message and their testimonies in their offerings, it was still uplifting. Still, I cannot help feeling my soul swell to hear a lovely piece of music done so well and beautifully and also full of the Spirit. And that was the brothers' duet of "A Poor Wayfaring Man of Grief" at the Fireside.

The Lord has offered me a spiritual banquet on this Sabbath day, and I am so gratefully stuffed!

P.S. The stake is now embarking on a 2-month study of "The Living Christ" document in preparation for Easter. It makes me more excited to keep studying, and grateful that I made my music video for it to help me memorize and more internalize it.

Temple, Food, and Friends--Great Combination

Day 57

I could choose my gratitude today as my first party here in my new home. It was a success. How could anything involving Amazing Grace not be a success? I had 4 guests, from Utah Parts 1, 2, and 3 of my life. It was kind of neat. Especially to see that all 3 parts were connected. Part 1 is cousins with someone who was in the same ward as both Part 2-ers and myself. And Part 1 is in the same stake as Part 3 and me. So, it was rather fun. And we enjoyed conversing. And I had a good evening. I am grateful for that.

But I am more grateful for our ward Salt Lake Temple trip. There were not as many as there should have been. But it was a good group. I enjoyed my car load of people. Good conversations both ways. Wonderful to be in the Salt Lake Temple again (my 3rd time to do an endowment session there). And nice to be in the same session with not only people I know from the ward, but also the bishop, one of the counselors, the stake president, one of his counselors, and their wives. And then for our small group to be treated to a wonderful lunch at The Garden Room in the Joseph Smith building! The food was great, the company was wonderful, and the conversation were enjoyable. It was one of the best temple trips for so many reasons.

And I was so grateful to share that wonderful experience from the Lord with friends and ward members.

Money Matters

Day 56

Getting the taxes done.

For the second time on my own.

And even though the self-employment tax took out a huge chunk of a possible refund, I still don't have to owe money.

And considering the recent (and kind of expensive) ER visit, and my struggles to financially adjust to this new life, and my strong desire and tries to get out of debt...

I am so grateful for a Savior who knows financial woes and sends little blessings in that regard--including not having to owe anything for my taxes this year.

P.S. I definitely attribute that to my new resolve last year in how I chose to pay my tithing. Tithing is always a most definite blessing!

Because I Knew That

Day 55

I am grateful for having a testimony of various subjects related to the Gospel and how the Church is run. Even the difficult ones. Especially the difficult ones. For when they are discussed and taught in class, like tonight's Institute, I can nod and agree and know.

I remember how difficult it was for me in my Nauvoo semester when we were in our Teachings of Joseph Smith class. Some things spoken of were so very difficult for me. So hard. Spiritually shaking, even. It was a foundational block of my preparation to enter the temple. For I was able to see one of the ways I learn, and how I'm affected by new things, or going deeper into things I thought I knew. It has helped me in the ~9 years since control how I react (or don't react) to things that come in to my life.

So when the more difficult subjects come up, I no longer am thrown for a loop and overwhelmed. Not much anyhow. But when it is something that I have experienced for myself and gained a testimony for and of (like tonight's Institute topic, or one of Elder Scott's Conference talks a few years ago), I can nod with assurance that I know the truth of those matters. And my testimony can be added to.

And I'm grateful for each opportunity--no matter how difficult they were at the times--that the Lord has given me for experience and growth in my knowledge and my testimony to not only prepare me for those moments, but allow for deepening of what I have been able to gain up to that point.

Not Small to Me

Day 54

Pre-planning and preparation. Very important things. For had I just waited until the activity, I would have learned that not only did our laptop's speakers not work, but that it also has no CD or DVD drive. A very important feature if one plans to show a movie.

They could seem trivial to others, but I think the Lord is mindful of the trivial just as much as the great, because in the end it is not as trivial to me and my testimony and my gratitude.

P.S. And another night full of friends and talking and laughing--bliss!!

In Time

Day 53

All I can say at this late, late hour at the end of a long, long day is that I'm grateful for the Lord's timing. That my insurance card could finally come in the mail on the day (night) that I needed it most--so I could make my trip to the ER and have my pained wrist X-rayed and treated.

Yes, the Lord's mindfulness of my finances and my health is amazing--and one I'm very grateful for!