Evening Snowfalls

Day 66

I have not tired of the snow. No, not yet. It is still so lovely--and I love that so much can fall in so short of a time. Even if those few hours are my last hours at work. And I have to clear my car off. And then drive home on uncleared streets because it is falling so fast and thickly. But it is still so beautiful!!!!

And I found a gratitude to go along with the beauty of the snow:

So far, it has all happened at night. On the nights I close. Meaning I get out of work when most people are no longer on the roads, or don't even want to venture out any more (whether or not weather was good). I can drive slowly and safely with relatively few cars on the streets with me. I can drive in darkness, which for me actually helps me see the snow better--on the ground as well as everywhere else. It not only leads to admiring its beauty more, but helps me see the streets and and tracks and drive more safely in them.

Odd gratitudes, yes, but the Lord knows that though I love snow and have driven in it before, I still am grateful for anything that can ease my way through it and make it a safer journey. The journey of life is hard--assistance from my Savior is always desired and needed, and hopefully appreciated.

Rest to My Soul through Song

Day 65

Today was a difficult day, emotionally. Very hard--hardest I've had in a while actually. Because emotions were insistent and pressing. But I still dealt in small pieces. And found the greatest comfort in music. Various lines in the hymns we sang reached out to me to touch my heart and bring peace to my soul.

"From him I'll gain my fondest dream."
"While I strive through grief and pain, His voice is heard 'Ye shall obtain.'"
"Bid thine heart all strife to cease."
"I have loved thee as a friend, with a love that cannot end."

And then I had time before the fireside to sit at a piano.

And play. And sing.

It is so rare for me to have that now. And I needed it. I needed the time to praise my Savior and my Father in song and with my own voice--not hindered by any restraints. It was a wondrous thing to sing to and for Them, and yet still receive comfort for me.

How grateful I am for music, for the Lord's gift of music to me (such as it is), and especially for the Lord helping me gain and receive so much through music--particularly today.

(And my favorite chocolate cake is baking--always a boon that!)

Shelter

Day 64

With a broken furnace, I am extremely grateful that I work in a place that retains its heat quite well. A place that shelters us from wind and weather--even if it is not very cold or snowy...yet.

I am grateful for the shelters the Lord has brought to my life--physically as well as spiritually and mentally and emotionally; that I am protected by His love, mercy, understanding, and gentleness.

It puts me in mind of some lyrics from a song that I love (from a musical that I love!):

Try Not to Be Afraid

[The Man]
Try not to be afraid, so many things can happen,
But nothing's ever quite as bad as it might appear.
I'll give you all I got. You know I can protect you
And try and stop you shedding even one more single tear.

[Swallow]
Shelter from the storms.

[The Man]
Refuge from the world outside.

[Swallow]
Safety from the dangers.

[The Man]
Escape from all the disappointments that time has passed.

[Swallow & The Man]
Healing of the wounds, the banishing of nightmares.

[The Man]
An end to endless tortured night, untroubled sleep at last.

[The Man & Swallow]
This is the vow I've made. I'll see it all come true now
And all you have to do for me: Try not to be afraid.

[The Man]
I swear I'll be with you, this promise that I've made you:

[The Man & Swallow]
You will always be with me

[The Man]
Think of every thing you've got, try not to be afraid.

[Swallow]
Try not to be afraid.

[The Man & Swallow]
Try not to be afraid.

A full heart

Day 63

Two wonderful things today!

I was able to return to my dear ol' college town. I don't care how much the people in this valley look down on that valley. A part of me belongs there. It will always be so. Even with all of the changes that happen in the city around and on the campus itself, it still is very, very dear to me. I spent some of the most crucial, memorable, growing years there. It is a part of my soul and I will always love it. So to spend a couple of hours this morning on the campus, well, I had to hold in my tears of joy or else the students on campus would have thought me totally bizarre!!! Or I might have caused some concern, as I did a few times when I was a student myself on that campus and walking around with very different kinds of tears.

Oh yes. And one glorious addition to loving being there was knowing that I. Am. An. Alumnus. hee hee hee hee! No more student days there. The campus looks so much more glorious, fun, and exhilarating when I don't have to walk around it worried about papers and tests and so much more. :-)

The other wonderful was spending the rest of the day with a very dear friend whom I haven't seen since I left UT last. We went to the beloved Provo temple, and to 5 Guys for dinner (mmmmmmm) and to an aquarium for an evening outing. And that's not to mention the constant talking we did all among that!!! (Well, except in the temple. We waited until we were outside the temple before we let out giddy reunion joy take us, and then spoke for over an hour in the parking lot.)

I love that the Lord knows my heart and what many, many things make me happy.

Enough

Day 62

I had my first storytimes at my new job. And I was so nervous and scared about it. All new people. Huge groups. Not sure of the ages. And feeling exceedingly inexperienced, inadequate, and just...not enough.

It meant a lot to have a word of support and comfort from a fellow (Children's) librarian friend.

And it meant a great deal to see smiling children, enjoying the storytime. And to have parents thank me. And to be reading and singing with children again.

But I think the best thing is the Lord reminding me that in all things if I do my best and give all I can, I will always be enough.

To the Nines...almost, kinda, sorta, well, not

Day 61

It was very much a day about looks. I sometimes need those vain days, which I'm sure you know if you've been reading this blog for a while. I went for cute hair for Seuss' birthday: two french braids. And I went for fun, cute, and flattering for clothes: my new Christmas dress. Then I went for lazy with everything else: no make-up, no jewelry.

And I felt that I looked fabulous, which made me feel fabulous, which is I'm sure a feeling that the Savior doesn't mind me feeling!

Future Plans

Day 60

So, yesterday "they" announced the dates for Josh's new tour. And I immediately wanted to see him in concert. Again. Well, you know--3rd time's a charm. (Not sure about a charm for what, but whatever.) Funny on that, too. Because there are some songs I absolutely love:

"Hidden Away"

"Au Jardin Des Sans-Pourquoi"

"If I Walk Away"

"Straight to You"

*"Higher Window"*

And they're pretty much the ones that make me cry a lot. So, you would guess correctly that I don't listen to them as often as one would think. I'm trying to be strong and not dilute my mind with sorrow, false notions/hopes, and more.

Then there are some songs that I am really, really not getting. I mean, I think I'm either misinterpreting it or just, well, not getting them. So, I don't feel drawn back to them to get more out of the songs as I have with other Josh songs that I've not gotten immediately in the past.

I think it is all admitting that he is finally starting to take some of his music in some directions that I just don't/can't/won't follow.

Yet, that doesn't mean I do not thoroughly enjoy seeing him in concert. And love my memories of the last 2 concerts I attended. And would like to go again. But this time, there was someone I wanted to go more than anyone else.

My Dad.

A couple of years ago, Dad answered a question some get-to-know-you questions, and the answer to "who would you like to see in concert" was not Linda Ronstadt (is she still singing?) but Josh! And since then I've wanted my Dad to go. Well, this year is a significant birthday year for Dad, and yesterday I thought "Yes! What a perfect gift." However, by himself? Not fun. 'Cause I know there is no one else in the family out there who would want to go with Dad.

So I called Dad to see if he would still like this gift even if it meant alone. He mentioned it would have been nice if we could go together. And immediately I thought, "Why not fly there? I now live where it is much cheaper to fly to my parents' home than it was before." And the concert where he is is only 2 weeks after the concert where I am. And the thought came that it would be an even greater birthday present to get to share Josh together. After all, who really introduced Dad to Josh anyhow? And loved having that musician in common with him?

Add to that,
1.) I'd get to visit my parents' home again--which I did like.
2.) If my brother leaves for his mission before the summer is out, then it might be nice to give my empty-nester parents a visit during an emotional time.
3.) If he hasn't left, yet, then I'd get to see him again before he left.
4.) I'd get to see my "new" nephew. He'd only be about 4 or 5 months old, which is newer than 3 of his siblings were when I met them.
5.) I'd get a vacation right at the end of Summer Reading.
And 6.) Did I mention I'd get to share Josh with Dad?

I love the Lord's hand to bring about exciting plans in the future that have all good on all sides--it's something so wonderful to look forward to that will totally be worth the wait!