The Power of the Lord, and the Power of Friends

[from my personal online journal]:

I wanted to thank you who sent me such wonderful words of encouragement. Though I have trouble believing some of it, I cannot doubt what you believe to be there and have thus shared. And I certainly won't reject it. I thank you so very much for those words, as well as all you have each given me so often. I'm working on everything. It is sad it cannot be an overnight change, but I know and am grateful that your words and belief in me will help me through this. 

I have to find the Pollyanna again. Not just in and of me. But life in general. I want to wake with happiness and hope again. Not despair and sorrow and fear. I want to remember what it is to really smile again. I was prompted this week to read my journal from Dec. 15, 2001-Aug. 15, 2002. It was a time in life--reflected very much in the writing--when I started out loving life so joyfully and exuberantly, and always thinking so positively. Then I let the world get to me and I had such a difficult struggle with life. But by the end, I had found strength and renewal from so many things--temple attendance, death of my grandfather, personal revelation, support of friends, the Atonement. And reading that journal this week was something I know the Lord needed me to see. Because it wasn't just words and examples of someone. It was words and examples of my own self. And if I could do that before, I know I can do it again. 

I also wanted to post a link to an Ensign article that CK made me aware of. I hadn't reached that spot, but this morning I searched this month's issue until I found it. And she was right. It was another thing I needed. I may not suffer from the exact things as this brother, but I very much understand "undirected guilt, loneliness, despair, and feelings of worthlessness." Comfort came from again not feeling alone, and the same reminders of what I can and should be doing to pull out of this.

It still amazes me how much the Lord is in every daily thought and action. And that it can either be directly to/around/for us, or inspiring others who in turn direct it to us, or us serving others as the Lord needs us to and that circling right back to help us. Life has calmed somewhat that I can again focus on that which I need to in order to get better. It will be a long journey, I know. But I have friends--sent from God, I know of a surety--with me, no matter how much physical or electronic distance is between us. And those friendships will make this journey easier. 

Please bear with me as I work on this. And thank you for being such true, devoted, long-suffering friends. Truly one of my greatest blessings I have ever had on earth.