Something I Need to Work On

"When you attempt to live life's experiences alone, you are not being true to yourself, nor to your basic mission in life. Individuals in difficulty often say: 'I'll do it alone,' 'Leave me alone,' 'I don't need you,' 'I can take care of myself.' It has been said that no one is so rich that he does not need another's help, no one so poor as not to be useful in some way to his fellowman. The disposition to ask assistance from others with confidence, and to grant it with kindness, should be part of our very nature."

Robert D. Hales, "We Can't Do It Alone," Ensign, Nov. 1975, 93

Ironic that I look at this quote now--at a time when I'm struggling to see if I have done any good for others, realizing that I have a weakness for being uncharitable and have a lot of work to do to change that weakness. And yet Elder Hales also has me looking at charity from the opposite angle, and has me seeing that I have a problem there, too. Charity, it seems, is a weakness for me in every aspect.

See, I have a major problem asking for help, as well as receiving it. I feel undeserving of it and thus guilty that their time is not being spent better off somewhere or with someone else. It's ironic that I turn so much to the Lord for help and know He is always there and always lifting me up. But then at the same time I have such trouble accepting some of the help that He sends through people around me. And then there are times when I feel I need and desire quite strongly someone physically present right then--and it's not what I'm given. Those are the times the Lord is expecting me to rely on only Him and myself. It's just between us. While those times are tough, I would say it's even harder for me to accept the help when it is there and it isn't what or how I wanted. I really am glad the Lord knows best, because I would completely botch up my life on my own.